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Who ever said comfort was good?–Bill Kaloger

What one wants rarely seems to align with what one needs.
This may sound like an obvious statement (or a blasphemous one), but I decided to put it in my blog .
But yeah, for example, yesterday’s weather felt like an amazing day. It’s not that I like gloomy days, but it was nice and cold. It’s odd to wonder why I love the cold when most of my ancestors preferred the warmer climate. Anyways, yes. I loved that it was nice and crisp. However, seeing that I was sick last Friday, and still had something in my throat, it wasn’t good weather for me. In the end, since I wanted to be out in the open and cold and not wear a sweater, I ended up having a relapse.

Happiness is one that doesn’t align with that “law,” for lack of a better term. Though, there is no replacement for true happiness. There are things that can get one happy for a little while, but in the end, it just bites you back. From a more youthful standpoint, sugar’s a good example. It makes you super energetic (depending on how much you take and how mentally sane you are), but if your intake is large, you’re bound to end with a sugar rush… or depleted energy. Drugs is another example, but I think everyone knows that.
What we do for happiness… what I do for happiness. I just wish I saw my sugar rush coming when I was in the fire. It’s hard to see truth when your emotions kick in. Pathos never really did understand logos. The two siblings never saw eye to eye. I keep on singing the same prayer once the fire is doused… I sound like I take Him for granted. Maybe I do. Maybe I do take grace for granted. Strict justice is only logical, yet I don’t see that in the fire. I just I could sing songs of truth to help me pull away from the fire.

Fire is addicting, because it provides light. But it is no replacement for the sun.
A match only lasts a minute… the sun lasts for a lifetime.
Same goes with for happiness… there are no shortcuts.
Sometimes, the longer path is the better one.

Oh, and here are some songs performed by Jon Foreman playin acoustic and a couple other guys (not from Switchfoot). Some of the songs depict how I feel, some of them are just really nice to listen to, and one I just skip . But they are nice pieces and Jon Foreman has some good anecdotes .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqb_iCRdjPw
(Meant to Live, Lord Save me from Myself)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQe5_RlwsKg
(Betrayal, Only Hope, Learning How to Die [beginning])

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k8GWsvXfMA
(Learning How to Die [ending], Revenge, Southbound Train [beginning])

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwGDk-I24fw
(Southbound Train [ending], {Song by Molly Jenson and Jon Foreman})

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uYyUQ_etPU
(There’s War in my Blood, Sorrow {Cover by Bad Religion}, Dare You to Move {beginning cut off} [beginning])

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJ7v2PFR26A
(Dare You to Move [ending], Let Your Love be Strong, Your Love is Strong [beginning])

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq1_vHPjDCk
(Your Love is Strong [ending])

Oh, and happy birthday Kristine and Chloe! I hope you have a blessed year

filtering choices

It’s ironic that Mr. Sullivan mentioned that many of us in the class were going to be sick soon.
I guess my time came today .

It was such an annoyance to get through school–mainly English and Discrete Math–with the sniffles. It was easy in the morning to avoid the loose liquid, seeing that cold air usually opens up my sinuses. But the afternoon hit, and both the indoors and outdoors are around the same temperature, I was pretty much messed up.

My body is basically a filter… kinda stinks. Water in, urinate junk out. It is such an annoying and redundant process. My body was made for more than just filtering, but I guess there is a time for your mind to go stasis :-/.

I’m probably not going to school tomorrow. There is quite a bit going on tomorrow, but I don’t think it’s wise to jeopardize my health. There’s the AP Macroeconomics test, AP Stats test, picture–nothing big though–, delivering a check to Mr. Haus, getting my stinky Martial Arts clothes from the locker room, teaching Chris intervals… there’s quite a bit, but they all can be done at a later time. Relapses are probably even more annoying than the initial health problem.
Plus, I do not like taking drugs. I prefer homeopaths and natural remedies. Victor said I sounded like a hippy when I mentioned homeopaths and drugs. I just don’t like that “drugged” feeling. Plus, it doesn’t help to have your mind in a daze while taking tests.

I guess when you put it in economic terms, my marginal benefits outweigh my marginal costs… if that works haha. Plus, I wouldn’t want to get Kristine, Alex, Kelsey, and all my other seat-mates sick.

Gah… I hate getting sick.
Homeopaths, juice, water, the toilet, and Dune will keep me company though

sleeping on a plane

I believe today I felt a similar pain to many other San Diegans. It was a pain today to watch the Chargers decimated by the Patriots in the first half.
It was probably a mixture of things… the scandal and its unfair consequences, the shame of a possible shut-out [remember, first half], last year’s disgraceful actions made by the Patriots, and mainly how we weren’t acting like true Chargers. I found it ironic that the Padres won today and Chargers lost, reciprocal to last week.

After the third quarter, I got up from my seat and began to go online just to check my mail and such. After signing on, two of my friends begin chatting with me and start talking about how it was going. As they went into their lives, I realized how futile it was to worry about the Chargers. These two guys are going through hard times–one of them, his life is a complete disaster–and I’m mad about entertainment? Even though I am going through some hard times myself, have I become too comfortable in my middle class seat of luxury that I’ve lost my peripheral vision to the real world?

Yeah, I have a friendship issue. I have an issue about diving. But I am not a Kurd during Hussein’s reign of dictatorship, oppressed because of what I’m not. I am not a Christian in Ethiopia who is forced to live in a jar because of my religion. I am not a Japanese-American in 1942, forced into an internment camp for the sins of my distant relatives.

It reminds me of a song that was never put onto a CD due to the politics of the music industry. Jonathan Foreman and Daniel Victor once collaborated to create a few songs. One of them was used by Switchfoot, which was called “On Fire”–Pasifire’s most frequently covered song –and the other was called “Throwing Chairs,” which was intended to be on Daniel Victor’s album Neverending White Lights… but never was produced.

Seat belts, no smoking, sedated, but I wanna be
Throwing chairs not sleeping on a plane
The dirt, and the energy, the real world, where I wanna be
Throwing chairs, not sleeping on a plane

I wanna wake up low in the world below
I wanna wake up low

The failure, the hunger, and you’re so far below us here
Middle class still sleeping on the plane

I wanna wake up low in the world below
I wanna love life low, where we need it most
I wanna wake up low… wake up low

(clip) http://www.esnips.com/doc/7bb8d14b-a783-4c15-b039-107f0e7cc7e9/Throwing-Chairs

There are many injustices to cry about. The Chargers shouldn’t be one of them. Neither should the Padres. It’s not to say that it is a sin for me to be pissed about how it went down today. But there are other things to be concerned about.
Even for me, right now there are things I should be focusing on.

sink or splash

At school there’s been a couple changes.
For starters, Ms. Strasser will be teaching our Martial Arts class part time. I guess being in a beginning class does get its major pros . I don’t think mastering push-hands is part of the curriculum, but I am excited in learning some kung-fu… double dagger form, maybe even broad sword form. Lets just say for period 4, I’ve taken a nice current on the wind… for now
Also, Mrs. Moore won’t be teaching AP Statistics anymore, but rather Mrs. Roberts will. Even though I know Mrs. Roberts is an excellent teacher and a cool person, I think everyone is going to miss Mrs. Moore’s kindness and fun atmosphere.

I don’t know. I feel like with this schedule, I should be like Nizzoli… loving my life and all. Then again, we live on different rivers with different kinds of leaves that fall on our path. But maybe it’s also how I haven’t really dove into situations like many of my friends have. Rather, I let my feet sink in slowly, following my body, and then my head. While that style does work just as effectively–safer for sure–than diving in, I’m a senior. I have no clue how long it’s going to take for my head to get underwater.
Maybe diving into things is better. Obviously, you want to check if the water is deep enough to dive in. Yes, it is possible that the water has acid in it. But if you see others playing in the pool, either you jump in, or stay dry ’cause theres no use of taking your time to get fully into the pool when the party’s over.
And if you want to take the analogy to a spiritual level… it’s even more important to jump into the water. If you’re trying find forgiveness (water being salvation or something on the lines), being partially dry is the same–if not worse–than being completely dry. Either you’re cold or hot… luke-warm doesn’t cut it.
“To accept a little death is worse than death itself”–Chani, Dune.

While diving is good, that isn’t to ignore my old style of creeping into the waters. I still hold that style, but in the meantime, splashing seems like the best option I have now.
I just hope my ripple effects don’t hurt others in the pool.

progression and looking back (sorry Dylan)

It’s too bad that SCPA did not reminisce about the attacks on the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and United Flight 93. We’ve done it ever since the attacks… why stop? Is 5 years enough? Oh well… it’s a good thing to remember.

So. The second week into the system.
We’re starting to actually learn now… kind of massaging to the brain, seeing how I haven’t used it much over the summer. Well… I guess playing and practicing the flute, bass, and piano counts. Oh! Don’t forget the harmonica! hahah… 4 chords plus bending!

Well I hope that these Wind Ensemble section leader auditions can seclude me. I personally don’t want to solo my skill off of sight-reading sheet music… and scales… and such. Meh… leading the flute section isn’t my objective. I just want to make the whole ensemble sound good. I don’t mind being a second-man. Oh well…

It’s been fair academic-wise… I hope it stays that way for now

kool aid

Some things in life can’t surface without a little tension.
A guitar is a perfect example. Sorry Mr. Nylon or Mr. Steel, but we wouldn’t have some amazing bands without you guys being pulled extremely. No Jesse Cook even! t’s a risk though. One can tune a string beyond its extreme, making it snap.

It seems like progress is always a risk. Looking at history, I can’t name one change that came without an inkling of doubt. (I know I am sectionalizing my examples to merely US History) From slavery to even the Louisiana Purchase, there was always tension; risk. Possibility of failure. Or in economic terms, with progress brings forth “opportunity costs.” It seems that there isn’t any easy task that can be accomplished by doing nothing.

Socially, this “law”–more like one person’s view of a visible pattern–can be true.
It’s a risk to restore a friendship. This could mean confrontation of the problem or even, to the lesser extreme, just talking. What if I stumble? What if I say something offensive? Does s/he want our friendship back? So many damn questions! So much cling and clatter–at least for me… I could just be special (my Daddy says I am [and so did Marcus Kastner]).
But it all ultimately comes down to: do I want change? If so, the Kool aid and water are not going to mix by themselves. Some stir action is going to be necessary. We’ll never know if a drop of lemon fell into the solution before the stirring, but is it better to be cold or hot? or lukewarm?
Then again, I could hope that the friend takes up the spoon and tries to stir the Kool aid them self. That would be ideal. But either way, no matter who sparks it, risk seems to be always involved with change.

Friendship is such a valuable thing. I just hope I can stir it up into a tasty solution of Kool aid–I don’t mind the flavour.
It takes two to make it a healthy one…

Welcome to the planet.

[Dude... I bet when I'm looking back at this blog, I'm going to be asking what the heck I was talking about. I was all over the place ]

there’s sin in my blood

Today was a pretty swell day
I had my schedule changed to what fits well… though I will miss those in period 6 Martial Arts.

Even in happiness, I still find a way to make a mistake… some may find it nothing big, but I don’t find it too honorable of me–and I actually don’t think I’m over thinking this. On the other hand, I’m not going to be all flagellant–in a mental aspect–on this stumble. But, it makes me think.

I wrote about this thought before… some time in July or something. What errors do I make that might pass onto my next generation? I’m not saying that every past mistake will indefinably be transferred to my next son/daughter, but what norms am I setting for myself to teach? What norms am I setting for my children to learn? Even Lee Hoi-Chuen unintentionally passed his demons down to his son.

Sin obviously isn’t transferred by blood literally, but it all started with the fruit.
Maybe I’m just talking aimlessly… but I should think–not over think–about my actions before jumping into things. I’m glad that there is forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean I should take life so lightly.

In this life, my actions effect more than just me.

sheet music

Sight reading/singing is definetly not one of my fortes [pun initially unintended].

Today in Choral, I was looking at the sheet music for “Let Freedom Ring,” for the 9-11 performance next week, and man… I knew how it was to sound, but looking at the notes on the page made it a little more confusing. It wasn’t too bad, since I needed to know the leaps. Knowing the song helped too.
What was worse was during Wind Ensemble. Hanna, Anna, nor even Siera brought their flute today, so it was just me and this new girl Jessica who was covering the flute part. In the middle of the sight reading, Paige kind of rebuked both of us. Jessica has an excuse, being new and all. But me… that was humiliating. I mean, Paige has a right to scold me… I’m not used to the “making big mistakes” philosophy yet…

I guess, to me, sheet music can be a huge hindrance–at least concerning instruments. Piano… flute… it’s like doing a timed speech, and what you’re given is a script that’s in a foreign language [say Japanese] that you know, but still are learning. Not only is it in Japanese, but you have to translate it back into English, and you have a timed limit. Many are fluent in Japanese and many aren’t. I’m just not up to par, I guess… but I hope that Ms. Paige knows that I am bilingual… I just prefer to know what’s written on the script before I get on the podium.

So yeah… that was embarrassing.
It’s still the second day. Much more room for error, much more room for growth.

first day

“‘A little learning can be dangerous.’ That’s why I plan on not doing it”–Ian Goldner

Today contained many events that were unexpected.
At arrival, I picked up my schedule and found out that it was not the list that I had compiled with Hyde last week. I felt that I wasted a lot of my time in the counseling office last week. 3 hours to find out that the schedule I wanted was not what was given.

Schedule as of now:
1. APGOPOME
2. English Literature [I really wish Urick was teaching that]
3. AP Stats
4. Photo [I hope to get into Martial Arts]
5. Choral Ensemble
6. Martial Arts [I hope to get into Discrete Math]
7. Wind Ensemble

Period 1: AP Macroeconomics seems like a chill class. I sat with the S-Vs at my table… plus Anthony. It seems quite small and quiet… hopefully more kids will come and brighten the show . I’m also glad that Economics is first, so I wont have to rush my studying for the current events quiz. Plus. Naked Economics made me hopeful for this year . I saw certain classmates that I did not expect to see, but it’s all good.
Period 2: English Literature. Man. I was hoping for Urick, but instead my teacher is Taylor-Rice. It was such a culture shock to see how a regular class looks like. It’s all good… we did this one fun exercise in which each table had to determine old sayings, like “All for one, ___________.” I thought our table would do well… but apparently not. One saying I found interesting was “The burnt child ______________.” Um… a lot of answers for that one. The burnt child is tasty? Good with barbeque sauce. Needs lotion. Apparently, it’s the burnt child is afraid of the fire. Interesting… like the saying “you cant have cake and eat it too”… though this is one was more sane.
Period 3: AP Statistics. This seems like it will be a fun class. A bunch of AP Music Theory kids are in it… like Colleen, Jordon, Anna–though I think shes switching–, Alex N., James. Pretty intense. Mrs. Moore seems like a nice lady to work with, so this should be an interesting class. Today we did a couple games… our table lost them both, though I dont think Mrs. Moore saw our hands raising for the answer. Oh well…
Period 4: Photo. Man… I want to get out of that class soon. It’s not that I don’t like Photography or Welsh–seeing that I did back in 10th. It’s more that I don’t want to get sucked into something I’m not going to stay in. The class curriculum does sound muy interesante… but I can’t stay. Mehh… the tension is here.
Period 5: Choral Ensemble ["CE"]. Man. When they passed out the sheet music, I was scared. I lost my sense of intervals! I’ll gain them back though… Tomorrow, the new kids are doing solos so Mr. Haus can hear our range. I’m kinda nervous… but I think many are in the same boat as me. I don’t have a great voice, and exposure of that is tense… but I guess it’s time to let it out.
Period 6: Martial Arts. Another class that seems interesting but I can’t stay. Cool kids, but I really badly want to be in Discrete Math. Roberts is an amazing teacher, L7 is there, and I’d be able to expand my knowledge of math. That’s always fun . I still have to pay Sullivan for my red belt test though hehe
Period 7: Wind Ensemble. Many people are gone from this class, yet theres a lot of fresh fish here as well. For one, the entire flute section has reduced from 10-5. Dang. I’m glad that Colleen and Hanna dropped Pre-Calc to be with us. Less stress on me, but that still means I actually have to practice. But I still like the looks of who’s in the class. More trumpets, more saxes, more lower brass. More balance . I will miss those who wont join us in Ensemble or Chamber *cough*fashifashwet*cough* but it’s all good. There’s hope!

It’s an odd day in the neighborhood… what’s really awkward is that when I entered the front gates of SCPA, it felt like there was no summer. It felt like I was here the other day. Meh. School is now stuck to me

I just hope our schedules get fixed.