a mighty wave

they’re all behind you
they’ll never find you
they’re on the ocean floor

What really gets me curious is when does the new year start.
I mean, of course it starts at 12AM on January 1st, but it’s kind of relative. 12AM on the Pacific Coast isn’t 12AM on the eastern coast. By the time I “publish” this, (hopefully) it’ll still be December 31st, but in the New York, the new year had already begun. So when does the new year start for Earth? Dublin, London, or any other Greenwich Mean Time, where GMT=0? Jerusalem or some other holy city? I think it should belong to San Diego; it’d make things a lot easier . But I am curious.

Anyways, 2007 was a very different year than its predecessors. I feel like I traveled through a bunch of valleys where ground-zero still hasn’t been reached. There’s been some amazing times shared this year.
Spirit week was completely different for me compared to last year. I was way more into this year’s competitions. Also, I didn’t throw up during the relay race this year. Overall, I was just more into this year’s competitions.
ASB Ball was a mix of good and bad. I had a really amazing time hanging with friends, dancing, actually getting loose. However, I do still feel bad for Kristine and my whole group for making a foolish mistake of being late. Every now and then it hits me just how long I delayed and how much I affected everyone. :-/
Econ has been fun to… (no).

Tour, on the other hand was quite different in a negative way. It was fun being with Philip, but overall, it was way too restricted. Less pranks, less fun, less hotel time. Yeah.
Heck. Just a lot of the middle year was a low end for me. I drifted from those that were close to me. Those who I considered some of my best friends I floated away from, and I didn’t try hard enough to get them back. This situation is still an issue I’m wrestling with.

I feel as if this year has been a very bumpy and hard road to travel on. While there’s been some rays of light, 2007 really zapped me. A lot of the things I loved were brought to question or taken away from me. Stripped away of things I loved, I resorted into other kinds of dirt to fill in the cavity. But in the end, the replacements made the hole deeper and more problems occurred. I guess the problem was that I couldn’t face my demons. In the end, I became the thing that I once despised.

I think the biggest problem I dealt with this year, and a majority of my life was that I was living for the wrong person. Instead of caring about the one that saved my life, I cared about those how others thought of me. Those who don’t matter still played a role in my mind. I let fear take over me, and in the end, my plans became half-baked.
Fear. It’s always been an issue, and it might be my demise. The reason why it’s hard for me in trying to meet someone new. The reason why I don’t talk to certain people who are closest to me. The reason why theres a slight separation in the chillest economic table. Sounds like a personal problem? Yeah. It is.

Last year, I wrote a blog concerning how people always go for new and never cherish the old. Old memories and old toys are tossed in the fire, both literally and figuratively. Those ideas haven’t changed entirely, but I think I might want to add a clause to that. This year, I held on too tight onto what was that I blinded myself of what is. One big example was mistakes. I’ve done some bad stuff this year and it’s been hard to shake them off. It seems that by holding on, merely flagellate myself, yet still continued to do wrong.
It’s by forgiveness that saves us, not by works. Holding onto the past mistakes won’t do a thing. I guess I just need to play Ocean Floor more often to get the big picture.

Yeah. This year was a sickening carousel going round and round, but there was a purpose.
The pastor at the church that I go to gave a sermon concerning the last week of advent. Sadly, I was distracted at the first portion of the sermon, but I got back in when he gave a visual analogy concerning a recent situation that hit him (man, parables always help).
Apparently, hes been remodeling his house for quite a long time, and this Christmas break gave him time to do some more work. He added new wood flooring and tore down a wall so that two rooms would be adjoined. However, when he tore down the wall, he noticed that the floor in the first room went one way, and in the other room went another. Pastor Steve began thinking of a bunch of ways to fix the predicament, but the only way that would be complete was to rip out the floor of room two and make it so that all the boards faced the correct way.
So in his analogy, he had to rip apart the wooden floors so that all the boards would face the right direction. And even though it took hard labor, in the end, he was pleased. Similarly, thats what God did. We were in the last chapter of Isaiah, and Pastor Steve said that Israel and Judah wasn’t going the right way. They were worshiping other gods and were not in tune with Yahweh, so God had to take apart Israel and Judah by allowing them to be captured by the Samarians and Babylonians. But after a few generations, the Israelites were allowed to go back to their home and rebuild a temple and in the end, they pointed int he right direction, and God was pleased in the end.

I think this can go similarly with anyone. We may be beaten and torn apart, but in the bigger picture, if we learn from our mistakes and move in the right way, it’ll be worth it.
Cherish the old, but let the mistakes sink to the ocean floor

I’m definitely looking forward to this new year. It’s the last year I have at SCPA (I hope ).
A lot of fun in store… like economics final, and… probably better stuff
See you in ‘08!

what lies beneath the sand

something on the road cut me to the soul
Your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love…

It’s interesting how in many families Christmas Eve seems more festive than Christmas day. Is it because the anticipation of Santa has dissipated from our lives? I’m not sure… maybe Christmas Eve always stood taller, for me, than Christmas day did. Hm.

Today’s Eve consisted mostly of cleaning. The beginning portion of the day was mostly contemplation while working. I guess last night’s hangout just made me think about a lot of things… or a lot of a thing. Anyways… it slowed my work. It wasn’t until Sara Groves began playing in the background that my spirits got back up (very Christmasy music… I know). I Saw What I Saw is a song that sticks out… possibly because it was the first one I heard off her new album and the lyrics hit home.
I guess there’s just a lot to be grateful for that my worries and concerns shouldn’t be a factor right now. Heck… we’re going to celebrate the birth of a child that died for our mistakes… I think I can put aside my frivolities.

At seven, my family left to do our traditions. In n Out… visit Jeff… nativity at Balboa. This year, the In n’ Out wasn’t too good. Fries were overly fried and I scraped the roof of my mouth with them (don’t ask how… all I know that it hurts a little). Oh well… good food. The conversation with Jeff was a good one… he’s changed… we’ve both changed… but it’s all good. I wish we’d have more time to just talk and play. And the nativity is always a treat to watch.

Going back, when we were arriving at Jeff’s house… I know I said this on my blog last year (on xanga)… but man. Home was there. Driving down Florida and Cypress Avenue was a treat in itself. So many memories flourished from the small block of land between my old small apartment to Jeff’s place.
Our car parked at the bottom of Cypress and I just looked at the cul de sac. I saw my old apartment and the new owner kept our tradition of holding many flowers on the patio. My Dad joked and said the owner broke our tradition–the plants weren’t all dead . I looked at Apartment 20 and remembered my memories with Angel and his jokes that I would not get until I learned of sex ed. Apartment 4 the friend who I stayed with all the time when my Mom wasn’t home. Erika and her sister Kathrine, whose Pokemon cards were swindled. Then I looked at the small patch of grass where my brother and I became Jedi Knights, using our bats as lightsabers to defeat the Sith. I stared at the semi-stucco wall, and recalled the games of wall-ball and rebounder.
And now, it’s all different. Similar, but different. Same buildings but different people. Same trees but different leaves.
Then I recall how poor we were, and I’m glad that I was raised from humble grounds. I remember how my treat was taking the bus to Balboa Park and having sharing ice cream with Josh and my Mom. I remember the long walks my Mom and I would take to Morley Field (maybe why I don’t mind walking home). I remember how my game systems were never up to par with what was in store. But it allowed me not to always want things. I know a handful of people that are given anything they want. If they complain, they will get. For me… it’s impossible. No matter how much I complained, we just couldn’t afford it.
As I look where I am now, from a cold standpoint, things haven’t changed too much. Finances still pour down our throats like hot salt. I’m not up to par with what the mainstream has.

But if one really looks… we have a lot more than the surface. We have property… assets. We may have a somewhat messy house (Megan and Jemimah would probably say messy is too kind, regarding the night they came over hahah) but at least we aren’t killing roaches constantly. I may not have a PSP or even a Gamecube, but I have my music. My iPod may be broken, but my ears aren’t.

There’s always more beneath the sand. Sometimes the surf wash away gold and make it seem like that all we have is desert. But if we dig deeper, in most cases, our situation isn’t that dire. There’s gold underneath. If not, there’s gold above. But you can’t see the gold unless you open your eyes.

There’s always good to hold onto.
It just might take a shovel to find.

Merry Christmas to all

circumstantial ironies

It’s ironic how school shoves a bunch of work before break which makes one all stressed out, which may lead to sickness. Through sickness, it takes time to recover, so by the time you’ve recovered, either school is just around the block, or you’ve lost some valuable rest time.
I don’t speak through first-hand experience this year. I’m glad I haven’t had the same stress my friends have had who are in AP Lit and in the production (though oddly enough, I was still able to get sick. It was probably just a dam that was waiting to burst). It’s more of an observation.
[By the way, the observation by technical standards is not a slippery slope . Key words include may .]

Today was a day I initially did not want to go to, but in the long run, it was all good. Snot is a con. Being tempted to eat chocolate when you know you shouldn’t (I don’t know what Nikita, Chelsea, and Chris is talking about eating chocolate when they’re sick… I guess whatever floats their boat. I know for me and many that post-nasal and chocolate don’t mix. Just like citrus and singing) is another one. Seeing Phil and Jarel, and making fun of Kelsey’s “ch-asm” made the day hahaha.
It just seems like the days pass by without meaning; without motivation. Maybe it’s the Benadryl that’s pulling my push–so to speak.  Maybe it’s my actions that add guilt, slowing the pace. Maybe it’s the dread of finances crawling down my spine. I’m not sure. It’s just odd that Christmas is right around the corner and I feel as if I was in the middle of March, or some part of the dry season. I don’t know… it’s just odd how Christmas is around the corner and I just got out of study mode. It’s like watching a show after reading the spoilers, if that analogy works at all. It was a shame to read the summary of Cowboy Bebop Life has been too noisy that the events that matter have been squashed. I pity even those who have a busier schedule than me (and there are a lot of them kids).
I can’t point my finger on it… but I guess it doesn’t really matter. I guess what has happened doesn’t matter. Yes, it is wise to learn from the past, but what is to learn from circumstance? I guess it’s what you do now.

For now, I just hope to get better health-wise, push away bad habits, and continue my ideas on Lylachon. Oh, and do school work . I just have to make the best of what I have left of this year.
2008 seems bright

what the shell…

To say that today was a long day is an understatement.
So many curves and ditches occurred on today’s road that it left everyone exhausted.

After the choral performance at the Lions Club downtown, Jordon, Megan, Jemimah, Kevin, and I decided to hang a little longer at Horton Plaza. It was around 1PM and we were in no rush. Apparently Jordon and I bought our way into heaven by giving Ben & Jerry’s a tip… interesting. 4/5 of the kids in that car were Christians and the people who just bought their way into heaven was the agnostic and me. Whatever. hahah
So it’s 1:30ish, and we decide to leave so we can possibly get a ride on the regular bus instead of taking the late one. On the way home, Jordon decides to stop around Logan Heights and get some gas at this in-construction shell station. Meanwhile, the rest of us four are just chillen to some music… okay, half of us were. Me and Kevin were trying to clog our ears so we wouldn’t hear that blasphemous N’Sync music. After Jordon gets some gas in, he tries to start the car, but nothing ignites. Not only does the car not start up, the accessories in the car aren’t working. After the fourth try, enough electricity is juiced up so that we can roll up the windows.

You would think it’s good that we were stuck at a gas station, but most of the people there were construction workers who couldn’t help us. Oh gravity… stupid remodeling. We attempt to use these jumpstart cables that the station had, but they were very bad. Rusted and stuff, which puts more resistance on the flow of electricity, which basically makes it not work. It worked once with one truck, but the juice only allowed us to get 30 feet further within the gas station. Lovely. We then ran into some guy who had new jump cables, and the car started. We began to rev the engine to allow the electricity to flow, but after a few minutes, the car died once again. Wow.
Right now, this is 3PM. Stuck in the gas station for an hour about. Jordon decides to get professional help from an autoparts store down the street while I call my Dad to get me and my friends home. Sadly, I told Megan and Jemimah that theyd be at school soon. Unfortunately, that’s not the way things worked out.
My Dad came around 3:50 and by this time, the autoparts salesman said that it wasn’t a battery issue but most likely alternator problem. (I’m assuming the alternator is a part that switches the polarity of the battery from positive to negative to positive etc. at a fast speed to produce alternating current [AC]. Iono… it sounds right ) So my Dad gives Jordon a lift to the Wells Fargo Bank downtown to withdraw enough money to buy the alternator. Then we drive back tot he gas station (fortunately the traffic heading to the Shell Station on Boston and 28th was congested past the exit), and then head towards the autoparts store, hoping they’d send a mechanic down to station to install the alternator. Sadly, they can’t… so in the end, Jordon decided to get his car towed.

So it’s around 5PM, and who knows how long Megan’s mom was waiting at SCPA to pick her daughter up -.- iish.
In the end,  Jordon’s left without a car for tomorrow and a bill, I’m left without a nap and still have homework… I have no clue about the girls and Kevin.
The second half of the day, I guess we all could’ve done without. But… ehh… it happens. We just gotta roll with situations sometimes. It’s easy for me to say… I’m not the one without a car. I do hope the best for Jordon though. But yeah… it really depends on how you take the debris thats thrown at you.

dia de musica

Today was the first choral performance I’ve ever been a part of. Pretty sweet

I guess, to start the day off, Victor joined us in econ and stole Kristine’s seat. That would’ve been fine, only thing is that we didn’t know is that Millie pullouts were going to be canceled and she was coming back. I would’ve offered my seat to Kathryn or Kristine [Lisa stole Kathryn's], but I think they wanted to work together. Iono… it wouldn’t have hurt to ask next time

Anyways, stats comes around and 3/5 of my table is pissed about the schedule change concerning the pullouts–and it’s understandable. They told their teachers that they would make up tests on Thursday, but due the stage being wet of paint, pullouts were moved from Wednesday to Thursday… kind of messing up their plans. Man, there was a lot of drama… even concerning the permission slips yesterday. I don’t know why I’m able to dodge all the dramatic events though. I guess I should be grateful, but I pity my friends, for the most part. I guess all we can do is just roll with the situations given to us.

After the stats test, Alex and I head to the Choral room before class starts to get a head start in dressing. It’s funny how we were supposed to leave at 10:45, but heck… I think we left at 11 minimum. It’s okay… we needed time to… get dressed…? hahah.
I took a ride with Jordon, Megan F, and Lawrence. Man… when you enter a car, you expect a bunch of random stuff in the backseat. It’s mostly given. Theres usually a backpack, sometimes clothes, some empty water bottles. However, in Jo’s car, what you find is a freakin music stand. hahah i understand, cause he has gigs, but he also has gallon water bottles, duct tape, roller skates… I don’t know how Lawrence and I fit in the back. Maybe I shouldn’t have offered Megan shotgun. Where did the term shotgun originate, anyways? I’ll check that later.
The ride north was interesting. Singing along with some choral pieces [i don't know if that's wise or a bad idea. oh well], went to In n’ Out and had a bite there. There was a bit of confusion during that session, seeing that Lawrence thought that we went poof, so he entered another car.
Anyways, the performance itself went well. We performed at the Bahia Hotel at Mission Bay. They were mostly elderly people so this was a good warm-up, seeing that they aren’t expecting too much. The hardest part for me was to smile while singing Rudolph and Carol of the Bells. For some songs, not only did it not feel right, I was taught this year to always have a low mouth and by going wide would brighten the sound… and smiling kind of requires widening. Oh well… I tried . The setlist was also a lot shorter than the given list. We were planning on doing 11+, but only 5 were sung. Alex brought his trumpet for no reason haha. Quite a shame. Overall, it was a good performance… the people liked it a lot. The audience even sang along with Silent Night.
However, after the show, we didn’t represent SCPA in our brightest. Kids cussing because the elevator was full… my gosh… look where you are. A bunch of elderly people who just praised you are outside and you guys are cussing each other out of the elevator? Meh…

After the show, we drove back to school to practice at Chamber. I seriously need to practice Rhapsody more often. After Chamber was piano practice. People have it worse, but it was quite musical for me today S’all good.
As long as I practice, there isn’t much to worry about.

connotation: look it up

Have you ever come across a sentence that you wanted to say, but thought it would be interpreted differently? You have a sentence but theres one word that can differ the connotation of the entire piece?
Certain connotations vital to abide by. I remember the college essay I was writing for Point Loma and when I handed it to my Dad to edit, he was thinking of changing “many” students to “most” students. Yes, most is a more powerful word, but yet, it was invalid. There is a difference between many and most. Most means that the majority of a group does this–whatever this may be–, and many means a handful (how big or small is relative to what one is talking about).

Anyways, my point goes beyond the mere essays and technical standard. Sometimes I come across a sentence I want to say, but I have to revise my wording because it may be interpreted differently. WAY differently, usually. So many words today are taken into sexual connotation. Words that used to be just another word to describe an object or an action have now become a joke or improper. Screw, blow, hard, hand, bitch, gay, hardcore, faggot, climax, ejaculate… read the labels. At face value, they are actions, adjectives, or nouns in merely harmless tones. But when said, even in a correct sentence, peoples eyes open up and accuse you of being vulgar or demeaning.

How did we get here? Oxford probably can help that answer; maybe a better question is how did we allow ourselves to get here? It seems that the English language has been overly abused that we have to be careful of what we say. At my Dad’s work, the word “interesting” has been banned of use because it can have a double meaning which can be “offensive.” So if you say “oh, that’s interesting,” apparently you really mean “oh please shut up and don’t share your life with me.” Apparently.
I am no word saint, but I at least have eyes to see that something here happened.
SB 777 is a prime example of how connotations of words have changed. Saying that the word “sex” or “gender” no longer exists because one may choose that s/he wants to be the other sex. Isn’t that what sexual orientation is for? Maybe I’m going on a tangent right now. There’s a lot more to be said about that bill but it isn’t quite relevant to this post.

Every word is powerful. Every word can help restore or destroy. However, our words have been cheapened by our modern-day connotative mindsets. The word love has changed greatly. Love used to be a word of caring… I know many friends who hold that definition true, but as I look at the world, it seems so weird that ‘love’ and ‘lust’ interchange. Maybe lust is the wrong word, but ‘eros’ definitely is prime of the three.

I’m not trying to advocate the use of saying the f word, s word, or anything else. I do believe people use it way too much that it loses its’ meaning. “I can’t f***ing believe that the f*** up can f***in do their f***in job.” What the heck are you saying? Literally, that statement would make no sense, but of course, who takes things literal nowadays? But seriously, it doesn’t show much credibility in your case to curse that much.

Meh… I don’t know… it’s a mere observation. I doubt there is anything one can do necessarily, but it’s been something on my mind. I guess I just have to be careful for what I say. But I wonder, though this may be a slippery slope, what words will not be allowed in the future.
It’s just a few thoughts.

class echo

Empty classes can cause weird stuff to happen.
Or maybe it was just today
But overall, it was chill… especially after the whole Cherrydale fiasco that threw me off. I’m just glad that issue’s over -.-

Todays energy was pretty low. I didn’t even feel the need to write down the notes McPhail gave us today in Econ (though, most of the concepts I knew from reading the first half of the chapter). I don’t think it would be the weather, seeing that cold would want to make your body more active. Anyways… that was a chill class. We talked about senior exs… and how Ms. Debenedetto said that Pasifire was going to open for a band in LA. hahah that’d be nice. I hope we can do a Christmas MGC… maybe? Ill talk to Josh bout it
Stats, it was only me and Anthony. We were elaborating on the skewed data project our group did. Initially, we were trying to get different results when asking two questions in different order (Do you like burgers? So you believe it is justified that cows are murdered in masses for the gluttony, many whos diet shouldn’t intake any? [vice versa]). Obviously, those questions are logical fallacies, but heck… its fun! Even though our test didn’t work out the way we wanted it to, Anthony and I worked our way around it. Seeing that most people said yes to burger, and no to justified our headlines scream: “SCPA: School of Lies–80% of animal lovers murder cows to their own satisfaction.” Lie? Umm… not necessarily. Skewed? Heck yes! I just hope we can finish the poster in enough time.
Martial Arts, there was more form testing. It was kind of nerve-wrecking, seeing that I was the only red belt judging their testing. I don’t know. I feel like I might be too harsh on these kids, but then again, I see flaw in their form that can be fixed. How much correction should I give them? I remember Sullivan failed me 7 times before I got my yellow stripe… though, I think he too refining to the next level. So yeah… I’m curious to how hard I should push these kids.
Choral Ensemble… that was pretty fun. Seeing that there were only 10 people in the class (though there were enough people to practice), we decided to play 20 questions. Most of the people got easy stuff, like Einstein, Buggs Bunny, Michael Jackson. Angeline got two hard ones: Imelda Marcos, and Condoleezza Rice. Someone got Kim Jung Il (of course Kevin would choose that for the guesser -.-). Maybe it’s because I knew who all of them were and wrote descriptions of each of them; maybe because of that, I got the hard one. I was close… and I knew who this person was, but heck… I would never have guessed him. Charlie Chaplin. I was close. Ehh… oh well.

After school, Adrian and I headed to Admiral Baker Field to scope out a possible place for our senior ex. We kind of went in circles twice because we forgot what exit to go onto. After a few U-turns and long red lights, we finally got there… but… I don’t think Admiral Baker is the best place to hold such an event. Plus, we dont have the financing to rent a place. Some ideas are the Manzana Rec Center and SCPA… other than that… we need more research and we need to do it quickly.

Gah… so much to think about. Mostly finances. Gosh, I forgot how expensive it is to be a senior. Boston, San Fran, ASB Ball, Prom… I don’t know. Maybe I should jump onto Chelsea and Emily’s idea and sell candy, though to a different crowd possibly. I could sell drugs… more profit in that business. Trafficking… uhh… thats below my morals. But yeah, I don’t know. Maybe a stable job would do . Performing outside school? Hm… oh well. I just need wisdom, that’s all. Thank you to all that’s given me ideas.  I’m sure something will hit me sooner or later.

In the meantime… I need to prepare for this supposed concert up in LA

pure beat

Life’s been fine for me lately.
I’ve had homework, allergies, but nothing new on the negative scale.
Maybe that term “new” is the key word in that sentence.
I may be okay… life might be swell, but I’m still not whole inside. The fear of finance and future is probably a contributing factor to my ghastliness, but theres more. There’s been more this whole year, but the maggots of the problem haven’t dined on the core until lately. Maybe I’ve been merely shaking the monkeys off my back. I shaken them but haven’t stifled them. I’m not sure, but they are there.

Every time Islip I ask for forgiveness. I hear “Grace is sufficiency,” and I know her touch is wonderful, but it isn’t reassuring. I can get superstitious at times, and whenever bad situations follow my actions, I tend to see a connection. Call it karma? Fine, whatever floats your boat. But gah… I abuse grace too much. Grace just seems to wash my hands but not my heart.

I’m afraid. I keep on slipping–unintentionally–and I fear my whole body will fall down with my stumble. I fear it will all come crashing down. Everything I have, everything I want, everything I need. All the hopes that I hold dear might dissapate because of my continuous faults. I don’t learn! Why would any father accept a son that keeps on straying from the right path? Why would any father accept an unteachable son? In my heart, I know what is right and what is wrong, but my emotions carry me elsewhere.

Music seems to be the cure for the pain but not the ailment. Verses ringing in my head, helping me to stray from darkness. But in the end, there is only me and my action. Do I follow my heart or my nerves? Ironically, it is the nerves that control the body, yet it is the heart that keeps it all beating.

I know what I truly want, yet I’m pulled a different direction. There are no excuses for my actions. I just wish my heart and mind were one and hope that the rod is light.
I guess life without trials is dull. Struggle is what helps us to learn.
I just hope in all of the struggle that my heart can beat an eased and pure beat.
That’s all I desire for now.

abundant skies

The rain felt nice today (or yesterday, seeing how I’m writing this at 12AM).
There were many people complaining about the cold or that it’s all damp, but realistically… this is San Diego. We’re in a drought… this rain is some nice stuff.
Too bad it came on a full day though. Transitions from periods 3-4 and 6-7 are the worst. Roberts to Martial Arts. You can’t travel further than that. There is no distance longer than from Roberts to Martial Arts. And then when the rain came down heavy, I had to run from Roberts to Wind Ensemble. Hah… it was so funny to see how badly soaked I was when entering the band room. I had to use my Martial Arts shirt to clean off the excess water on my flute case. But yeah. As long as I’m healthy, I love the rain .

The tension of college applications is finally over. Everything is done. If I don’t get into Point Loma or UC, I guess there still is community. The tag program isn’t that bad. However, I don’t think it will go to that case. Lomie is a chill school, and I feel that thats where my direction is heading. If not, we’ll see where the wind takes me.

As I was finishing my Point Loma applications, I was looking for my English Essay concerning Parental Intervention. As I went through all my work, I might have hated that year (minus a few ups), but man… that class was fun in hindsight. Key word. HINDSIGHT. hahah… but seriously. I may have gotten sleepless nights and purple bags under my eyes, but I learned quite a bit in that class. For one, I learned to read all the freakin’ instructions so you don’t get check minuses on your Text Notes (one of the major reasons why I got a C in the first semester). Plus, I read a lot of interesting pieces. Why I Went Into the Woods, The Buck Stops Where, On Being Crippled… I hated to read them so much when I was in that class, but I got a lot out of it. Read a lot of essays that I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t pushed to do so. Machiavelli, Thoreau, Douglass… all of those authors, I now know the context of what they were speaking upon. I guess sleepless nights help in the long run (uh oh… allusions to econ! LRAS!). The Aggregate Supply may shift backwards, but in the Long Run AS, the curve will shift to its’ equilibrium, or even further, seeing how we have new resources. Bleh.

Well… now that college applications are over, the next thing to worry about–besides finances–is (and besides tour pranks ) the senior ex. Gah. I really want this thing to work, and I’m worried about so many aspects of it all. I’d like this benefit concert to be different than just a concert. I was hoping to have it like bro-am, where there’s another event going on (most likely games). Actually, it’d lean more on the side of a huge MGC. But if it were to have G as well as M, what games would go on? It’d all depend on the demographics. How many people do we predict will show? If this is a benefit show, I guess we’re to aim for a lot. Meh… so many questions. But I guess that’s all part of the process.

In the meantime, econ still strikes me, and so does practice for music… then theres worry about finances. Man. There’s a lot to be concerned about, and I have it easier than many. It’s crazy. Sometimes I wonder if my music hinders my parents’ budget. Obviously it does… but… :-/. I don’t know. I guess it’s something among many to pray about.
I’m just glad I have it better than others.

Tomorrow/Today I actually get to blow out the candles [we're celebrating both Josh's and my bday].
There’s so much to wish for. Wishes for others; wishes for greed; wishes for purity; wishes for sanity; wishes for friendships…
Which do you choose?

I guess the best one is to wish that I’ll blow the candles out before the cake tastes like wax.