the last kiss of winter

Let me just start by saying that I love my friends in Chamber, Wind Ensemble, and Choral Ensemble. Amazing performers and amazing people

Yesterday was the peak of the weariness, yet the peak of the fun. This whole week has been so tiring, even though ironically, it was a short week–only four days. Most of this sleep anxiety was due to the first week of Urine Town rehearsals. Last year embodied a sleeping schedule that allows me to have natural energy for the night’s work. I usually take an hour nap right when I get home, then stay up until at least 11. But with three afterschool rehearsals each week, I have not been able to get a nap (or a good quality nap). And then on Thursday, I stayed at school for the whole day because the advanced music concert was that night.

Even though my brain was exhausted, I’m sure glad I didn’t go home. Many of the choral kids went to In ‘n Out, but Jordon was craving Mexican food, so we decided to head to this one taco shop in the Woodman Village before meeting with the rest of the gang. I’m sure glad Adrian gave me 30 bucks for all the help in econ and english, or I would’ve left starving for the night (though, I swear. I need to pay him back. I owe him at least 30 dollars for gas money -.-). Anyways, the hangout was fun. It was freaking cold at Inn ‘n Out, and it didn’t help that I only had a t-shirt. Lauren offered me her jacket (yeah, Dominic is right… shed make a good boyfriend hahah). Logically, I should’ve taken the offer, but since McPhail has proven my logic wrong… I decided to decline . When heading back, Jordon and I almost ran into the same car problem as before (reference), but fortunately we came out clean.

5 o’clock we were due back at the choral room to practice When October Goes, and we really did need it. After the sharing, we saw that we were NOT at all used to the a capella version of the song. After practicing for an hour, I think it was safe to say that our voices were warmed up. And before we all split, we did a remix of Sleigh Ride… which was pretty hardcore hahha

First on the line up was Concert Choir, then Wind Ensemble. Sadly, Paige cut out Russian Christmas Music. Man, that is such a tight song (care to listen?). and it’s a shame that we weren’t able to play it. Fortunately we’re doing that song next semester, and Amber says possibly on tour? That’s a long song to do bring.

Before the curtains rolled, I could tell that many of the new kids were nervous. Heck. Even I was a little nervous. But when Concert Choir began to sing their last song, gospel style, I think many of the tensions eased. Everyone was dancing to the beat, especially Trevor, Alex H., and Paige. And when the song ended, immediately got into their professional poses.

1. October
2. Folk Dances

October is such a nice piece and we were shockingly able to pull it off. I can’t recall anything big that was off. I remember during the sharing, Colleen broke out of a good tone during her solo and Chris got nervous that he couldn’t play strongly either. But when the night came, everyone did what they had to do.
Folk Dances went down fast and great. If Ms. Paige conducted it, I’m sure that we would’ve went a lot faster, but Ms. C didn’t do bad with the tempo changes. I think it’s fair to say that Wind Ensemble did really well

Afterwards was Women’s Ensemble, then Chamber Orchestra. I was a bit concerned seeing that right after Chamber Orchestra was Choral Ensemble, and the two performances have different dress attires. Solution? Go Bill style. Thanks to Hanna giving me advice, I put my Choral shirt and vest under my Chamber tux shirt and jacket. It’s fair to say that I was really hot during the entire Chamber performance, but the trick worked.

1. Jazz Suite
2. Voices (strings and winds)
3. Rhapsody in Blue (strings and winds w/ piano)

The first piece was quite nice; jazz style whatnot. I wasn’t really focusing since there were a lot of questions being thrown at me on the wings, but it’s all good.
Voices… was okay. I don’t know whether or not the French Horn from SDSU was playing wrong notes or if Dr. Thompson wanted the piece to have those extremely dissonant parts. Personally, Voices just isn’t my cup of tea. The melodic line is overly repetitious and very long. I find it more of a conceptual piece than a musical one, but that’s just me.
While I may not agree with Dr. Thompson’s composing style, his piano playing is phenomenal. Rhapsody in Blue was a long song as well, but… the whole piece was amazing. I can’t recall any terrible notes or mistakes being played for that song. According to Paige, theres always this one time when we both look at each other during a part in Dr. Thompson’s solo. I can’t recall where it is, but I can imagine that happening. Man. I’m proud to be in an orchestra that pulled that song off well.

From there, I went Arnold style and just ripped off my shirt (without any damage) and ran outside where all the choral kids were. I’m glad Jemimah was my… stand partner for Choral, or I’m sure I would’ve come out with a wrinkled shirt .

1. Lamentations of Jeremiah
2. Round Midnight
3. Sing Me to Heaven
4. Dravidian Dythiramb
5. When October Goes
6. Tear Them Down
7. Elijah Rock

Mr. Haus has really good speaking skills. The ability to turn an introduction into an elaborate story. Certain skills I hope own one day
Lamentations of Jeremiah was a lot stronger than during the sharing. Throughout the whole sharing, we weren’t giving it all. Different scenario when the night rolled in.
Round Midnight was a hit. I don’t think Alex jumping out with his trumpet was as much of a shock during the night performance compared to the sharing, but it’s all good. Lawrence and Sarah did amazing solos as well… like usual .
Sing Me to Heaven. Even though people were touched by the song, I still think we could have been stronger.
Dravidian… yeah. It was kind of hard memorizing those words. Na and din tok. Otherwise, that was a fun piece
When October Goes was a completely different song compared to the sharing. Bethany did an amazing job, and the basses actually sang during the solo! hahah
Tear Them Down… I think I can agree with Jordon. The words can be cheesy. “What secret did they know?” hahah but it was a good and simple song. It was probably interesting for the CE alumni to compare the change.
And lastly… of course Elijah Rock was amazing. I didn’t listen to whether the females nailed the challenging part in the middle, but I’m sure they did fine.

Yeah. A freakin amazing night.
Man, I love my Instrumental and Choral family.
One can really miss out if they don’t join something on the lines of a musical or any performing group.
Now… onto tour

screaming without lungs

It’s one thing for you to go on stage half-blind in front of your whole school two-thirds naked. It’s another for the only thing clothing you falls off at the end of the performance. Fortunately, the latter didn’t quite exactly happen the way that it was portrayed.

Today was the MLK assembly for SCPA, in where the clubs and arts portray the diversity and impact that Martin Luther King Jr. has done to society. I was in two performances: singing in Choral Ensemble, and doing the haka. The choral performance was a lot better than the run through the other day. However, my voice just couldn’t project because of haka practice. I don’t care what Chris Le said… actually, I don’t even know why I even conceded to his belief. The haka does not improve your range hahah (that’s not the reason why I joined though).
Anyways, back to choral, we did three songs. Let Freedom Ring, Tear Them Down, and Elijah Rock. Doing the Elijah Rock was a bit iffy, seeing that we are singing that song next week. I don’t know… it kind of ruins the interest and excitement of an unheard song. Oh well… all in all, not bad.

After Choral was done, I immediately got changed into my “man-skirt,” as Adrian puts it -.- Seeing that there were only 3 performances in between us, I felt really rushed. The face paint, the baby oil… but the worst part was the skirt. When we reached the wings of the stage, my skirt began to fall off, so I tried fixing it. As I was fixing the skirt, the curtains began to roll, so I rushed the knot, and forgot to double knot -.-
Tika tonu went well… I could have been more fierce in the face than in the hands hahah. But as potere was ending, my skirt began to fall off. According to the video Ryan Bosia shot, all the crowd began to shout out or scream… awkward a bit? haha. Even though I messed that up, apparently my intensity made up for it. Me and DJ were the only ones who were bleeding from the scratches… everyone else were a bunch of pansies . People kept on asking me “is that real blood?” Well… lets see, I guess its possible that I had snuck red crayons in my nails. But dude… cmon. Yes, it is real blood. Why did I scratch myself that hard? Because… you’re kind of supposed to. Oh well… it was funny when all the haka kids ran into Paige’s office

Even though it’s fun, the haka gets very tiring. People asked me if the scratches hurt. Compared to my throat, these blood marks are nothing. I can’t sing… it’s hard to talk sometimes. I worry that I’ll be ready for next thursdays concert. I have to… there’s only five basses, including me. I guess Im thankful for having Monday off to rest my voice even more. Once KP is over… most likely, I’ll be glad to have my voice restored to normal

In the meantime, I need to find some flood/worklights.
Ahh… I thank God for the day of rest.
Good job to the rest of PAPIA, Choral, and everyone who performed hoy!
(except for you, Kevin. Sorry… by singing the alto line on that stanza, you ruined Let Freedom Ring. That’s inexcusable )

atop a hill

I’d like to give shout outs to my Dad, for being born today, and for being just awesome. Also, I’d like to give similar shout outs to Martin Luther King and Joan of Arc… but, seeing how theres no personal connection, it’s kinda different.
(wow… that is one weird way to introduce a blog)
(i know Jon… so quit soliloquizing)

Anyways, past few days have been quite unique. Going back to Friday, I made a stupid mistake of assumption. Since I signed up for ensemble, I didn’t bother checking the lead callbacks list. To my surprise, apparently my name was listed for lead, but since I didn’t check the list, I missed the first callback. My biggest concern is that by missing the callback, I’d miss my chance of being in the show entirely.I talked to Doyle and Haus the following Monday, and I think they were offering me to still audition for lead, but by that time, I was chill if I could be as an ensemble member and they reassured me that I would be on the list the following day… which I was. Only thing I wasn’t chill about is that Doyle called me Josh, but what else is new? haha
Congrats to those who made it in as well!
My first and last mainstage… that works for me

Besides the usual riff raff of econ and ridiculous amount of English busy-work, life has been really nice. Performances coming up, acceptance into programs, working afterschool with friends… it’s been very light and fun lately. As I look back on my senior year so far, the year itself, besides certain social issues, has been really amazing: meeting new friends, spirit week, joining PAPIA, singing in Choral Ensemble. And looking on the horizon, theres great events to come: two tours, at least one ball, senior ex (though… that’s a double-edged sword, and I’ll get back to that later). I feel like right now I’m kind of on top of a hill–not in the sense that I’m at my peak, but rather I’m at a state where I’m a little out of the clouds and am able to see events. Or maybe, according to Rob Bryanton, I’ve reached a cross section of the 4th dimension -.-
I wonder if it’s possible to stay in this state. Reminds me of the English piece we were reading, On Spring. But I guess theres no purpose of one to stay on the hill if he or she cant enjoy whats down on the lower plains.

One thing on the lowlands that concerns me is the senior ex. Maybe I’m trying to be too ambitious with the ideas I’d like to have in the project. I don’t know… if I could pull it, that’d be amazing. But in the meantime, the specifics still need planning :-/. Sooner or later, there’s going to be a point where Adrian and I have to turn plan into action. I think that’s something I need to embrace more often. Hopefully these dilemmas will have solutions. It may be hard to see imagine them falling into place, but how can I analyze it when I’m atop the hill and not down where all the action is?
Well, just like the situation with Urinetown: at the moment, the answer isn’t in my hands.
Just gotta put it on the altar.

-aging souls

The first week back from school wasn’t exactly the way I pictured it.

To start off, I did not expect Haus wanting all of the kids in Choral to audition for the mainstage, Urinetown. At first I was hesitant, due to the thought of senior ex’s coming quickly. However, with a day to think about it and the peer pressure (which had logic), I decided to go with the auditions, singing a song from White Mansions.
However, as Wednesday came–the day I was going to audition–, Haus told everyone that the Choral kids are allowed to skip the initial audition if we wanted to be part of the ensemble. So… I chickened out and chose the easy way out and skipped the first part. I kind of regret not auditioning for the sake of experience, but… I guess I can’t look back anymore.

Call backs were an experience in themselves. The first portion was easier than I made it out to be. Learn a line and sing in quartets. Seeing that we’ve done this before, it wasn’t too difficult. However, I’m curious to why Haus only chose me once to sing, even though he told other basses to sing 3 times (seeing that there was a shortage of basses and surplus of altos). That can be a pro or con. [Tangent: Interestingly, pro and con expand from the words proponent (to advocate) and contra (in opposition of)].
Second portion was… pretty close to death, if one were to measure my blood pressure, that is. Dancing. Correction: a choreographed dance. Something I had never learned in my life and I was told to do it. Fetters gave us a few dance moves, we repeated it maybe five times, then gave us a next set of dance moves, same repetition, then we tried the whole thing. When we began this section… it was quite confusing–lightly put. Fortunately, when Fetters said that she was looking more for characterization in the acting rather than the choreography itself, so I tried putting most of my focus in that.
We had a choice of being two of three characters: a maniacal homeless person, a rich snob, or a jock who became a cop. I chose the first and third choices, and apparently, I was humorous according to Sarah and Bethany… hopefully for the better .

There’s also performances that come to my concern. So much is coming quickly… or quicker than my eyes perceived it coming. Winter Music Concert, MLK, KP… and then preparation for the senior ex. Hm. If I could pull off our senior ex, that’d make my year. If it doesn’t go down too well… then that feeling can go 180°. Meh… still more planning.

Beyond Urinetown and performances, the week still wasn’t what ‘d expect. Maybe I was being superstitious, for lack of better word. New year, new life, but the stench of the previous year(s) still surrounds me. The year isn’t going to wipe myself clean; I need to turn on the hose. My skin is going to feel uncomfortable by the initial cold shock, but most likely, it’ll be for the best.

There’s one action I need to do. I need to confront a wall. A wall I cleanly drew out with Anthony (literally… though, clean isn’t necessarily the correct word if you want to put it in literal standards) in Stats class.
I keep on saying I will do it, but haven’t grown the balls to. I always wait for the wind to blow me in the right direction so I can jump, but if the wind doesn’t favor me, how long should I stand in stasis? Maybe this week… just maybe.

These times remind me of short lived the high school experiences is almost over. The first attempt of being on the last mainstage of my Highschool career. The first of my last PAPIA performances. The first of last yearly concerts as a flautist. Possibly the last performance with Pasifire and conjoined with my other friends. And maybe nearing the last time I can say “I’m sorry, can we come back” to an old friend before we leave.
We Grow Older keeps on pressing the restart button in my mind. It’s quite a poetic song, but I believe my life coincides with the lyrics now. I still think the production of the Pasifire CD could’ve been better, and I do regret it, but beyond that… it holds a lot of meaning.

we grow older; we grow older
i never thought it would be so soon
we grow colder; we grow colder
it’s winter and we wait, and we pray for spring
it’s winter and the leaves are turning thin

oh, where am i? where am i going?
is there no more to find?
how do i leave dead weeds behind?
i’ve seen my shadow more than my eyes

reminiscing; something’s missing
i never thought we would leave so soon
our souls are aging, but nothing’s changing
like creatures in the night we hide from the sun
here i wait for the end of what has begun

’cause my heart has changed; like a tree it has grown
and my mind has changed; there’s so little i know

i watched the sunset from the window of a plane
over the ocean; cloud of memories
something happened when we were there with you
i knew it was true
i felt the water and wind on my face
i’ve never seen such a colourful place

but my heart has changed; like a tree it has grown
and my mind has changed; there’s so little i know
and my soul cries out, all these questions i sing
and through these doubts i’ll wait and pray for spring

we grow older… it’s almost over
i never thought i would sing this song
but now i know i knew it all along…

I still remember having a conversation about growing older and the coincidence that I was going to record that song with my band that night. I still remember how we were back then. Not my feelings, but our feelings as two good friends. That’s what keeps me holding onto the thought that not all bridges of friendship were meant to be burned. That the grass beyond this wall is green.
That’s what I hold onto

God hasn’t grown tired with us yet

 “…a person without a culture is like a human being without land.”–John Dau

The other day, Josh and I decided to watch this documentary called “God Grew Tired of Us.” At first, I was kind of turned off to watch for multiple reasons, but in the end, I’m more than glad I didn’t submit to my former emotions, seeing that the film was very inspiring.

The documentary was about the Lost Boys of Sudan. For those who don’t know who they are, back in the late 19th to early 20th century, much of Europe began colonizing different countries throughout Africa, Asia, and Pacific islands. This was called the age of Imperialism. As time moved on, either the natives overthrew the European power, or the foreign nation decided to leave. When Britain left northern Africa, they erroneously infused two nations into one: Sudan. Northern Sudan was comprised of Arab Muslims while southern Sudan consisted of African Christians.
Due to the cultural conflicts, civil war erupted. The central government of Sudan lied north so they created a mandate for the genocide of southern Sudanese.  Killing of men, raping of women, and sterilization of boys of all ages (through quite sickening methods [though, I guess sterilization doesn't go down pretty]).
So boys throughout all of Sudan whom lost their family began to travel east to Ethiopia. For a while the government provided shelter for these refugees, but due to their own political conflicts, the Lost Boys were forced to travel once again. Finally, after traveling for 5 years, suffering through starvation, wild animal attacks, and water deprivation, heading south to Kenya, where they found refuge.

The expectations for these Lost Boys were to go back to Sudan when the war ended in, where they predicted, in several months. However, they didn’t expect to be in Kenya for 10 years. Even though they were free from oppression, they felt as if they were prisoners; confined by the walls of war and fear.

After 10 years, several of Lost Boys were allowed to relocate to the US to try to live new lives and get jobs to sustain oneself. This is where the documentary got very fascinating. The camera-men focused on the lives of mainly three people: John Bul Dau (who was moved to Syracuse, NY), Panther Bior and Daniel Abul Pach (who was moved to Pittsburgh, PA). When they entered the airport at Belgium, they received a huge culture shock. The electricity, the food. One of them said that the food tasted like soap (oddly enough, he ate a bar of butter). Also they had no clue who Santa was. All they based Christmas on was the birth of Christ and advent. Just the differences in how they viewed life was different.

Beyond the fascination of the culture shock and humorous acts made by each of them, it was amazement to see such insight in these people.  These people who have less intelligence than us have their eyes more open than most of my classmates. These people who are supposed ignorant to western culture, who are supposed less evolved than the westerners, who are supposed “stupid” had seen more in their lives than any other their age. Daniel viewed the killing of his own father. John Dau had to bury his friends on the five year trek. However, rather than cracking, wisdom bloomed.

“I believe as a person people have different talents and all those talents are serving the community. God does not create me as very tall person for nothing. I have a role to play. I have a duty to do. I was not just born like that. I was born to do something.”–John Dau

Imagined if all those who thought that there is no purpose to life gained that mindset, imagine the change of deathtoll per year. The amount of willing workers. Then again, it goes down to is there a God? But it’s still insight many overlook.

Then I have to go back to change of culture aspect. It’s interesting how the Sudanese or Dinkans (a more broad culture) hang out as a community. If someone asks for directions, the fellow would start a conversation. But here in America, if you walk up to someone’s door, the “neighbor” will ask what the heck you’re doing on their front porch. Individualism versus community (no, I’m not necessarily sponsoring communism here).

Their lives have made me think in a different way. Every life has a story; theirs just as more juice. But it’s sad that many others haven’t been preached. Some of them shouldn’t be preached, but that’s for another day.

“It was as if the last day, as people say in the Bible, that there will be a last day that Jesus Christ will come and whatever on Earth will be judged. That was my imagination. I thought that God felt tired of people here; felt tired of… the bad thing that we are doing, yet God is watching on us. I thought God got tired of us and he wanted to finish us. When I think of it back… it was so bad anyway. Now I wonder, I’m not again wearing clothes feeling very happy, and so anyway everything has an end… even if there’s problem in Sudan still maybe one time, one day, one minute, it will come to an end”–John Dau

Everything on Earth comes to an end. 2008 marks the end of my highschool career.
Okay… now I’m getting lost.
It was a very inspiring documentary and I do recommend it. Changes the way one thinks. Makes me value the lives of each person and the story they tell. I know my family is chocked full of stories and Victor recommended a story-time for L7 (or maybe just my subgroup of L7).
Maybe it’s time for me to open my ears more.

“Imagine”–Panther

to what ends?

It’s hard to care sometimes. Or should I say, it’s easy to not care.
If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have to watch where plant my feet. I wouldn’t have to try to convince the ones I love that they are wrong (if they are wrong, that is haha). Even those that aren’t close to me, is it wrong to try to correct them if they’re heading the wrong way in life?

Lately, I’ve found statements thrown around that are either obscurities from the truth or outliers from it. Some of these people I have no clue who they are. They’re people I’ve found online that have come up with their own judgments on faith and blast it at people. I know that I have no obligation to reply to these fools, but what if others are persuaded by it? What’s the harm in putting my 2 cents worth? But as I speak, people seem to either misunderstand what I say, twist my words, or just go on a complete tangent. It gets stressful trying to convey my point. At times, I just give up, seeing that some people are just stubborn and don’t wish to learn. But what about those who are curious?

And then theres a situation where I should have tried harder to help a friend out. They were heading the wrong way and I was too passive about it. I didn’t want to “tell her what to do.” I remember in the past (9th grade maybe), I said my opinions and people started saying that I was trying to control their life. Obviously I wasn’t (well, maybe not obvious to the reader). I just wanted to state my opinion on a topic before they might ruin their life. Maybe the spirits of the past haunted me and I decided to be passive with this one recent friend. I just hope she doesn’t ruin herself.

So where is that balance? Where is the focal point when you decide to stay or give up?
I guess if I really do care, trying never hurts if it comes from a loving spirit.