all will be made well

So since the last blog, things have changed somewhat 180°. Hm… maybe 153° is more accurate… I forgot how to do all the trig identities, so I apologize of how inaccurate my degrees are, but the main idea is that things have changed.
Throughout the week, I was attempting to to look for a new venue since the door seemed to have closed concerning Emily’s church. However, in the end, although the door began to close, I thank Emily to putting her foot between the door, making sure it wouldn’t shut.

So after all the drama and stress, the senior exhibition stands back as it was on Sunday: Emily’s church, on the 20th of March. Now that the parameters are set and planted, the details need to be implemented -.- Advertisement, food, details, volunteers… all in 22 days.
In the meantime, I need to memorize the lyrics two more songs for the Masquerade Ball on Friday. After our last rehearsal… I’m kinda worried that besides 4 songs, our entire performance on Friday will end up in smokes–in the bad connotation. But after talking to Jordon, I was more at ease. What really matters is us as a group having fun. As long as tomatoes or eggs were not offered in the meal, I should have fun to a degree . I don’t exactly want my bass to go from black to red in one night

In the end, all should be made well. It’s doubtful that my failures–if it were to go down that way–would cause the sun to stop rising. Living shouldn’t be as complex as we make it. Are we not trying to these deeds for happiness? The role of creating such a senior ex–besides graduating–is to have fun and give money to those who don’t have happiness in a shelter. Then again… Bob Dylan might argue that my statement is false, because happiness only lies for the yuppies. But beyond the philosophical standpoint, if I’m doing this senior exhibition to have fun, to graduate, and to give happiness to those less fortunate, why should I be downed if I make mistakes? (I’m probably going to look back at this and see a bunch of key points I missed) Mistakes or not, let’s try not to miss the overarching goal of happiness and attempt to aim solely for perfection (though if you can get both… that’s amazing).
While I say this now… on Friday my heartbeat is not going to care what I had previously said when I step up to the mic and sing of the songs that I still don’t have down After I’ve practiced all I can, it’s all in His hands. With that in mind, all will be made well.

an hour

It’s surprising what can happen in an hour.
Hours seem to pass by so quickly when you’re having fun or just messing around, but in fact, an hour is a lot of time. One hour–one twenty-fourth of a day. Also, seeing how most people sleep at least for seven hours, one hour is one-seventeeth of a day. A lot can happen in that seventeenth. Learn some Calculus, finish your mile time (it seriously did take one kid an hour to complete his mile run), talk to a friend about a loss, take a test… there’s a buttload of combinations. Today, my hour had it’s fatal blow.

Earlier tonight I finally found out that the Skank Agents can’t perform at my senior exhibition, so that was a downer for me. I guess one of their members has a class until 10PM. Ten minutes afterwards, I found out that the venue that I asked to use [and had accepted me] most likely cannot allow me to hold my exhibition. There were some miscommunication issues I guess, and apparently, the venue doesn’t do fundraising or benefit events.
I was a really strong blow to the stomach and the mind. If my exhibition were in May or even April, I could bounce back. But seeing how the exhibition is in less than a month… it’s just… yeah. I’m back to square one it seems. Adrian and I pushed for a month to get a venue, going through bureaucracies and dead ends just to find us back in the same position?

But if I am to believe that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me; if I am to believe that God is in control; if I am to believe that Lord is my light and my salvation… who am I to fear? Who am I to lose all mental stability? Who am I to give up?

I am not saying that the path between the dark hour and this blog was a merry frolic gay joyous easy one.
I cried.
I was seriously helpless… all the pieces that once fit in place had just fallen and I had no clue at the moment whether to pick them up or burn them. But in the end, the show has to go on… and I have to trust God that whatever happens, good will come out of it.

Hope is like a fire. Right now, it’s very dim, but if I want to light this lighthouse for the world (or at least my friends) to see, I need to keep that hope burning. It might just be dim now, but like fire, hope can spread. It just takes a few strands of straw to make a fire bigger… likewise for hope. While fire has no mass; while hope isn’t tangible, in both scenarios, it’s still there. I just need to keep this fire alive if I want this pinnacle to become a lighthouse.

It may take an hour to tear me down, but it only takes a second to light a fire.

visual closure

The shortest month of the year seemed to hold a lot of weight.
Urinetown and Masquerade Ball rehearsals have eaten up my chill-time life. Urinetown is usually four times a week, which limits my naptime. Fortunately, the workload of this year isn’t as heavy compared to last year, so naps aren’t as vital, but they’re still nice. Also, since they overlap, I usually have to sacrifice Chamber Orchestra in order to do rehearsals concerning pee pee town. I find it interesting, though, that in the biggest dance number in Urinetown, only four guys were chosen to actually do the choreography [thats not the interesting part]. The odd thing is… I was one of those dancers -.- I think Kristine’s explanation fits the best… seeing how were supposed to be poor, our technique isn’t necessary to be good. I’m getting my part down and it’s fun… I still find it a bit interesting.
Concerning the rehearsals for the Masquerade, Ive lost a lot of meal time seeing that I rehearse 3 times a week during lunch. However, I find the experience good. I remember listening to In My Dreams a couple weeks ago and gah… my bass playing was very novice-like. I’m not saying I’m pro now or anything close, but the experience in playing with this band has been fun and benefitial.

Now in less than a month, Project Phoenix is going down. It’s pretty sad that it wasn’t until yesterday that we had all the information down concerning the time and place. A bunch of dead-ends and bureaucracies killed time. Now that we’ve accomplished the parameters of the show… it’s time to fill it in with everything else.

Gah… it’s crazy! Less than a month, my senior exhibition will occur! And then in two months, both tours will be over. And in four months… well. It’ll be over. This year has been by far the fastest. There is no “dry season.” There isn’t much time to feel apathetic on life. Senior year is coming to a closure, and we’re all going mad, making sure it doesn’t end on a sour note (actually, it ending on a sour note will all depend on the people playing for graduation ). I feel bad that I wasn’t able to go to either Homecoming or ASB Ball–though I have my reasons. I feel like I’m drifting away from my L7 friends due to other obligations. Gah… the year can’t end like it is now–in turmoil.
It probably won’t though.
The best is yet to come. According to what future events are planned the dessert still hasn’t been served, but the calendar can’t tell which way the wind blows. The calendar can’t tell how friendships will end, or how they will continue.

The doors of graduation are closing. I’m pretty sure I’ll be outside those doors by the time they close, but what I desire is whatever I leave behind the gates are noteworthy and clean. I think that’s something everyone wants… (well, some people actually might not mind if it’s dirty ) but it’s time to implement these desires.

[Also, I hope everyone who went to ASB Ball had a fun time. I'm going to prom for sure haha]

unwashed hand

Have you ever felt like you said what was necessary, but not enough?
I know I’m being super elaborate, but yeah… I definitely felt that tonight.

Tonight I went to Point Loma to visit this writers symposium, where they get various writers to talk about how they create their medium of expression. Tonight was a little different, in where they brought in song writers. Bittersweetly, only one came: Jon Foreman. The whole thing was shot by UCSD so the whole interview will be on their TV channel on around March.
I was surprised in how diverse the interview reached out to. Not only did he talk about how he approached songs and the meaning of some of his songs, Foreman elaborated on his viewpoints of life and mentioned some ideas of how he believed Christians should live. Those were just surface topics. I’ve seen many interviews online or heard them on youtube, but it was a treat to just listen live to what he had to offer.
In the middle of his interview, he pulled out his guitar and played a few tunes, each of them relating to something that the interviewer had mentioned. The first one was The Moon is a Magnet off of his solo EP Fall. The second was There’s War in my Blood, from the collaborative band he and Sean Watkins from Nickel Creek formed called The Real SeanJon.  Third was a nice ender, Southbound Train.
From the interview, I could see that Foreman is a very loose and chill guy. I guess surfing helps bring that. But even though hes a surfer, he still has a very intellectual side to him. An intellect thats quite down to earth, if you ask me.
Loose yet very thoughtful… a dichotomy that works!
After the interview,  people came up to ask public questions. Some of them were quite informative, concerning Jon’s melodic lines… others, you could tell they were newbs to the feet.

Before the show started, I was thinking of talking to Jon after the show, but when the interview ended, I got hella nervous so I began chickening out. Fortunately my Dad encouraged me… and even better, there were others who had a similar idea. It was a nice short talk… I gave him the CD and asked if hed support Project Phoenix. Somewhat surprisingly, he didn’t know where Bonita was (I had to give him a nearby marker to where Paradise Hills was). I guess north county kids don’t know But yeah… the fact that he said he was interested was a smile booster Now I just need to email their management and see if its okay with them.
It’s weird that I didn’t feel a bit star struck. Same thing happened when I met Drew and the Filipino (:D). Maybe by the time I met well-known people, I was too old to be star struck? Iono… it’s probably a good thing.
I was interrupted by a lady in charge of the venue, and even though I finished the conversation, I still wish I said more. I wish I didn’t say that attempt of a lame joke, or had a better way to roll with the embarrassment of the moment, but what’s done is done I guess.

All I know is that after he shook my hand, I’ve decided that I’m never going to wash it

for Thine is the Kingdom

WordPress has been pretty quiet over on the side of the internet… if the internet even has sides.
Semester one of the last year in high school had just ended. Unfortunately, like last year, the end of work means the start of sickness. Gah… there are so many factors that led me to being sick. KP for 17 hours, freezing afterschool with the choral kids before the Winter Music Concert, early worship band rehearsal, getting put in a headlock by a 280 pound Samoan for 3 plus minutes, studying for econ final (though, I barely studied… it was mostly winged haha)… yeah. Even though all of the above would apply, I think the most accurate culprit is fretting (wow… thats unique).

Oh… gravity. Sometimes I just look at all the things I wish to accomplish, and I ponder whether it will all go down as planned. I always have ambitions–many people have ambitions. But from the idea to the action takes much more effort.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

I have many ideas for Project Phoenix, but sometimes, I wonder if they will fall apart, just like many of the other kinds of projects I try to erect. Sometimes I wonder if all the things I create on my own fall apart because I’m supposed to know how humility feels… but then again, that can easily sound like a cop out. But it’s odd that the many things I try to create with my own desires and hands fall short. However, in the projects where I am the second man, the buildings stand tall and strong. Is it a lesson in pride? Or am I just that lame that I can’t create something on my own?

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

I feel as if I’m like sand. Sand derives from rock thats beaten to a pulp basically… something that was once sturdy that is now shifted by the terrain it lies on. If the terrain is slanted, the sand falls with the slope. If people step in the sand, the sand will bend for the foreigner. Maybe I’m being too dramatic whatnot. I have a choice to whether I fall with the slop or create my own… I just lack the security that my plans will go down well.

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

I dont know… to question whether my buildings will crumble is frivolous right now. All I know is that I need to accomplish this project if I want to graduate. I just hope it all goes down well, whether it be the way I envision it or a different way (hopefully for the better). In the end, Thine is the Kingdom.

not with a bang, but with a whimper…