wake up call

The first six weeks of my last semester in school is over.
It still hasn’t fully hit me that in two months, my high school life will be over; I’ll be in the “real world.”  Mentally it’s all up there, but it hasn’t hit me emotionally.  Maybe it won’t.  Maybe it might come at some random time — I’ll be eating dried mangoes while watching the Lost season finale and my heart stops to realize my first thirteen years of training is over.  Maybe not -.-

Anyways, I was curious to check where I laid on the class ranking.  Last time I checked was around the same time last year.  I went with Adrian and Chelsea to find out I was tied and ranked 8th with some kids.  I’ve dropped since then, reaching rank 9, which was a shock to me.  I thought I’d be under 10, for sure, seeing how I lack a good amount of AP classes and proper grammar.

It’s a good thing that I decided to check my ranking today, seeing how we received grades today as well.  It came as a shock when I read my GPA — it was the first time since possibly 9th grade that I have had grades lower than a 4.0: 3.8.  All As except for a B in Discrete Math (which is fixable) and a C in AP Government.
3.8 compared to many is really good.  I was talking to Deaj while walking home, who also has a 3.8 (just needs to fix one class where shes on the cusp), and this kid behind her asked if they could trade grades.  I think he had a 2.4.  So yeah, in perspective, 3.8 is not a bad GPA.  But in perspective, 3.8 is not a good one either.  I know my limits.  I know that I’ve never gotten that low in my life, so I need not compare his grade point average with mine.  Likewise, I know that I’m not the best at government either, so I shouldn’t be distraught if I don’t receive a 4.3

However, I should still try to reach for that upper limit.  If I want to keep my position or stay at least in the top 10, I need to rid my senioritis.  I know class rank means nothing in the long run (unless you’re valedictorian, saluditorian, or in the top 10%), but it’s nice to know after graduation that you were in the top 10.  Pride?  Yeah… but if controlled, who says it’s wrong?

I think these grades were a wake up call.  Even though there may be excuses of why I don’t like certain classes, it doesn’t give me a reason to not try hard.  I deserve that C in government.  I’ve been doing average work… or at least average studying–perhaps even less than average concerning that department.  But if I want to graduate out of high school, why not burn out bright?  Elliot may think the world will end in a whimper, but I believe high school should end with a bang.  This applies to anything you put your mind in.  If you are to start something, and put your heart into it, why not burn out bright until the end?  I fail at my own requests, though.  I talk in second person when I should be talking in first.

I should take things into perspective, though.   School work isn’t life.  I am still obligated to music, be it through Urine town, WE, or CE (an obligation I enjoy).  Ridiculous homework is what it is and should not be put on top priority.  However, it’s time for me to relight my candle and let it burn until the end.

happy Resurrection Day

Today was the first time I’ve went to church and heard a sermon by a pastor during Easter Sunday since I was around five.  Concerning dates past the age of five, when growing up, I never went to church.  My family used to go to Park Chapel, but something happened that I was too young to comprehend.  Instead we had Bible studies at home.  It was good that I had one-on-one time with my parents and brother (I guess technically, it isnt one-on-one) learning about the Word.  If I had questions, I was allowed to ask and better understand.  However, the biggest thing that lacked was the community aspect that Church offered, and Josh really yearned for that.
It wasn’t until last year that Josh finally found a church through Point Loma Nazarene.  I guess technically, last year was the first time hearing a sermon concerning Easter, but I found the sermon more of a eulogy to a church member who had died two days prior.  There was a connection, but I didn’t get a full impact, seeing how I didn’t know this man at all.

Anyways, I found todays sermon pretty strong, (sadly, I can’t recall all the evidence my pastor stated to support the main point).  Pastor Steve first brought up that today was an odd event, if one really thought about it–celebrating the resurrection of somebody.  You don’t go to those every other year
From there, he went on and said that Jesus came back as a body.  When both Mary’s came to the tomb, they clasped Jesus’s feet… an actual physical being.  From there, Christianity isn’t merely a spiritual thing.  There is importance of the body, for if there wasn’t, Jesus wouldn’t need to come back as a physical being–going incorporeal would’ve been acceptable.  But seeing how Christ came back as a body, there is importance in honoring the body.  Paul emphasizes it later in Corinth, seeing how defiling the body with sexual means isn’t particularly healthy.

Likewise, this also applies to the body of the community–the world.  A lot of people say that we are “in not of,” thus this world will fade, so we shouldn’t concern ourselves with the environment of this world.  Man… I wish I could recall his biggest supports on this part of the sermon.  Mainly, even though we don’t belong here, we still have a duty to take care of it.

Maybe you had to be there to get more of an impact.  All I know is that it had meaning
I hope you guys had a good Resurrection Day!

11 hours in a building

Finally.  My senior exhibition is over with.  Now that it’s over, I kind of miss it… oh well.  Maybe I’ll help another friend with their senior ex if they choose to do a benefit concert.

Overall, the night went very smoothly.  The show was DEFINITELY not how it was planned, though.  People who assigned jobs were replaced and given another task; people who said they’d show up didn’t; people who I had no clue were coming came…
…people who I thought might’ve been in Portugal came .
Although all of these were unplanned and unexpected, all the pieces fell in properly… for the better.

So lets start from the top [if you just want to see how the performance went, go to paragraph .  I arrived at the church at around 10:30 because my Mom needed the car by 11:30 because she had to get to some meeting.  So I arrive at Emily's church, drop off most of the stuff on the sidewalk, and wait for Josh to return with the second batch of equipment.  So I wait... doodle in my new journal... and wait... trying to shade the equipment from direct sunlight... and wait... for an hour and a half!  Gah... didn't think it would take them that long to get the stuff... oh well.
Adrian arrives at early 12/late 11 and drops his drums and other sound equipment before picking up Andrea.  After Yu leaves, these three Latino kids show up skating.  I had a feeling that they weren't allowed to skate, but Josh began talking and playing with them whatnot.
Emily then arrives at 12:10 and we start clearing the stage.  There were a LOT of random stuff on the stage prior to our arrival.  A lamp on a desk... sofas... a whiteboard... awkward, but it's all good .  However, clearing that stuff cut a lot of time setting up which didn't help the stress.

The first full band to show up was Pasifire, followed by Since Today, with Horseshoes and Hand grenades last... which horsie did you put your bet on?  The soundcheck was very disorganized.  To start off with, Andrea was initially our sound girl, but then Will replaced her as time progressed (not because of her, but rather because Will just took over).  Another problem faced was that I could not hear how loud or soft I was through the monitors.  Throughout the whole performance I had to feel what was right... and... yeah.  The monitors made me distrust Will's balancing... even though he probably was correct in his advice.
Also, another issue we faced was that we were unsure who would use which drumset, seeing how Dylan had his and Adrian brought his own as well.  Initially, it was Pasifire and H&H would use Dylan's set while Adrian and Since Today would use Yu's set.  Ugh... you have no clue how tense my back got during soundcheck.  Fortunately, Adrian is my partner and gave me a good idea (which wasn't used but was evolved upon).  Instead of H&H going first, Since Today went first to solve the drum transition.  In the end... we all decided to just play on Dylan's drums hahha

Ugh there were so many variables at that point that could have went wrong.  I was unsure about how well balanced we were, how well rehearsed we were (oh yeah... Pasifire ONLY rehearsed once before the show. Not a good idea, but that's all we had).  It wasn't until all of Pasifire decided to rehearse outside with just an acoustic guitar and two harmonicas haha.  From there, my hopes lifted.

At 6:45P, people began to show up.  I was surprised at the numbers.  It wasn't until Ryan and Jimmy came that my anxiety was relieved (I wasn't positive if they knew what the address was haha).  As the program began to start and the momentum pushed... I could finally breathe haha.  With that breath, I decided to take a cookie.

Since Today was the first group.  It stunk that only three out of four of them could show up... apparently their keyboardist was absent that day and they couldn't do their whole list--thus, they only played three songs.  They sounded better than how I thought they'd come out... maybe its just their recording I was basing my prior knowledge on.
Next was Ashley Pulito and Adrian Burlaza.  They did two songs--Love Song and Imagine--both were well played and sung.
I was starting to wonder if all the groups would be like this... short sessions then short intermissions... and then you hit Pasifire with our freakin 9 song set-list.  I didn't want to make the show seem like a Pasifire-show as opposed to a Phoenix collaboration.  I hope that wasn't portrayed.

Next was Horseshoes and Hand grenades.  Surprisingly, people were still coming through the door.  But yeah... H&H were really good... a lot better than their myspace recordings (but I guess that goes for all bands... live vs recording).
After that, Will Shine and Jarel Paguio did a duet on the stage, playing songs from their band, The Will Shine Band.  It's funny how the whole night had grammar lessons... like Will Shine is one tense and his initials are contradictory because they're another tense.  But beyond their introductions... they were amazing.  It was hard to go up on stage RIGHT after them -.- But yeah... Will Shine and Jarel did an amazing job.  Only five songs, but a lot was jammed packed... also this was only a sixth of their band on stage.  Imagine the whole band... it'd prolly be even better.

And then... Pasifire came on stage.  We took a nice 5 minute chunk of checking our sound... I felt kind of embarrassed.  The first few songs were rough... mainly because I couldnt hear myself nor anyone else (except Josh and Dylan)... maybe thats because the speakers used to always be behind us in MGC, so we could hear ourselves more cleanly.
O You was... adequate.  I think I hit the wrong note--and corrected myself--for the harmony... and Jarel's solo wasn't as elaborate as it used to be.  Another Crush went relatively well... our break doing the boom-chicka-boom-boom was a success.  I think that game has been ingrained in the Pasifire [check it for refrence].  Yeah… from there… I was counting my mistakes, for there were quite a few.  What stinks is that even though I couldn’t hear myself, I know the audience could -.-  It wasn’t until Summertime that I got back into the groove.  And then Rebuild was super fun … it’s just too bad that I couldn’t find the harmonica until AFTER the performance -.- Dual harmonicas whatnot hahah that wouldve been fun.

Our list:
1.  O You of Little Faith
2.  Another Crush
3.  Ordinary People
4.  Ferris Wheel of Emotional
5.  Summertime
6.  In the Wind
7.  Around
8.  Rebuild
9.  Start Over Again

After it was all over… Sheila and Ashley sang one last song.  While she was doing her thing, it was a shock… we actually hit 10 o’clock with all our songs! Wooosh.
What’s even more of a shock is that we made $622!  I was just hoping we’d break even… but 622 (minus expenses which was about 150)?!?!  I was definitely happy at the outcome.

I may have messed up… but if the crowd did enjoy it, that’s all that mattered.  Heck… if they enjoyed the entire night, thats what matters.  And what matters is that even if your world may be flipped upside down, God will make things fall in the right place, in the end.

Thank you all for supporting me.  It’s too bad for those who couldn’t come, but if you are interested, there is a DVD that will be made by May if you care to watch.
It was a fun… and full night. Lets just put it that way

where i stand on the spectrum

Tomorrow is the day that either Phoenix will rise from the ashes, or a new fire will start.
[In less metaphorical terms, tomorrow is the day that Project Phoenix will take place.  Either it will live up to its name and will rise from the ashes, or it will collapse]

It’s been quite a bit of work, trying to accomplish Project Phoenix… yet I still feel I could’ve done more.  I could have been more organized, had better groups, not tried to appease everyone… but… can’t look back now.  Especially seeing how it’s freakin tomorrow.  I guess I should just be thankful to have such a dull class like English to be able to plan out and assess my senior exhibition with Adrian during that period.

High school has definitely changed my view as who I am concerning leadership.  While I like being in control of things, I never viewed myself as a leader–rather a second-man.  It’s always been easier to add on and embellish a task or object rather than creating it.  It comes more naturally to take a task and arrange it to look/sound better (ironically, you should look at my room. haha bad example of making something look better).  Back in elementary school, it was a little different.  As long as I knew what I was doing, I loved taking leadership roles.  My intent was different than other classmates, who just wanted recognition or goodie points from their teachers.  Personally, I just wanted things to be better.  I don’t know where my transition from leader to second-man occurred.  Nor do I know where my transition from persistent to mute conversations occurred.

This senior exhibition has definitely challenged that reform of being the second-man.  For starters, I have been forced to use the phone multiple times ::waits for a cheer::.  Yesterday, I can account for five phone calls for three people.  Today, maybe two iono.  While I am calling more, I still am not calling for the sake of chatting… which is my weakness, but I guess you have to start somewhere.

I wonder if this landmarks another time of reform.
Possibly… possibly not. As long as I don’t overthink it whatever happens should be healthy.
Same applies for tomorrows event.  If I don’t overthink it, I shouldn’t die… by stroke at least.

oh! intensity

It’s been too long since I’ve last blogged. It isn’t exactly because there isn’t much to write… it’s more like I haven’t given myself the time to just jot my life down. Oh well…

Anyways, Spring break has finally come. It’s odd that this is usually the 3/4 mark of the year. The mark when the year is almost over. Now, it’s the mark when high school itself is almost over (assuming I don’t flunk, that is ). Ahh so odd! This year has gone so fast and it’s hard to say that I’ve soaked everything in. Then again… while 3/4 is gone, as Dylan said, there’s still is 1/4 to go–and a lot is crammed in that 1/4.

The beginning of my Spring break is quite evident of the cramming session that will occur in the last quarter of the year Sadly, I wasn’t able to go to the Tracy’s Jazz Ball due to Heidi’s debut preparations (I wasn’t able to go to my church-mate’s wedding either -.-). I hope it was a hit!
The following day, we left at 10AM to head to Torrance. It was great seeing my Lolo and Lola. I miss them so much. Oh, and of COURSE it’s a pleasure, as always, seeing Heidi and the gang. I wasn’t that stoked, though, when I arrived at their house. Maybe it was because of the turbulence when heading north, or just because it had been a long week.
Semi-apathy turned to nervousness as the actual event began. Heidi’s debut, from what I comprehend, is a lot more contemporary than the traditional one. But then again, that’s just from my own logic, and all know what McPhail said about Lauren and my logic >.>
As the night moved on, things cooled down. Josh and I sung “I’ll Never Find Another You” by The Seekers as a serenade to Heidi… kinda messed up on the lyrics [thats why I didn't exactly want a powerpoint of them o the correct words on the screen haha], but the melody was in tune. It was funny being the only two sitting at the special podium. Heidi and I joked to friends and relatives that whenever they passed they had to bow. Some of them didn’t… punishment is pending.
Everyone’s speeches were really well-made. Of all of the speeches, I liked the pastor’s. He gave 5 points for Heidi to know as she enters adulthood. Inner beauty, making every moment count, relying on others, cherishing family, and… gah.. forgot the last one. 4/5 works though .
The only downer of the night for me was that everyone that attended the debut were people I didn’t know. It’s to be expected, seeing how I live in San Diego and she lives in Torrance/Carson. I experienced the same dilemma at Helsa’s debut 5 years ago… but I guess Tito Jun attempting to introduce me to April made it fun hahah. Meh… I should’ve just been a man and accepted my uncle’s offer. Too bad there were no introductions this time

After Josh and I danced in the 18 roses, Heidi sang her special number, and the rave music began to flash on, we began to leave. After 20 minutes driving south, my Dad started to notice that the steering wheel began to lock up and the engine was giving up. Fortunately, my Dad was able to get the car from the fast lane to the right shoulder safely, but we were stuck on that shoulder until a tow truck could get us to the nearest mechanic. Most likely, the problem was the fan belt broke since the radiator was heating up whatnot. When our car stopped, bad memories of December flowed at me when Jordon’s car broke down at the shell station.
Due to the generosity of the Heramias, we were able to borrow their car so we could head home that night–or that morning. I’m glad to have such chill and loving relatives. It’s hard not to like them .
One odd thing I noticed when driving home (besides the thunderstorm near Oceanside) was that around the place our car broke down, we saw 6 other cars pull over on the shoulder and turn on their blinkers. Irony a bit? Another interesting thing that happened was when we were trying to contact Tito Jun concerning our car problem, we feared that he might not pick up since the dance music was so loud that it was hard to even hear someone say hello within 10 feet distance [that's not the interesting thing]. Fortunately, right as we called, Tito Jun had JUST stepped out of the building to move a table.

So we got home around 3:30AM. My dad had to wake up at 7AM to drive back up to Torrance to see if the car was fixed or not. Sadly, there’s still issues :-/. But in the end, while we may cast the lot, the decision still lies with the Lord. Same applies with Project Phoenix. I’m kind of nervous about the groups coming and the outcome (and how Pasifire will sound, of course)… but the first two are out of my hands. All will be made well in the long run if I give it up.

Well… in that mesh/excuse of a blog, all I can say is that it’s been an intense weekend. One event down, my life to go