no complaints to the jack

The PAPIA Banquet took place tonight–or last night, depending when I publish this blog. It’s odd that I utilized every instrument I know how to play tonight, except for the piano and harmonica. I was part of the opener in singing Lupang Hinirang with Angeline, haka, played guitar (and sang backup vocals) with Chris Le in Let That Be Enough, played bass with Megan for Another Rainy Day, and played flute/sang with Jordon and Amber in Baptize My Mind. I considered of bringing the harmonica just in case. Now that I think about it, it wouldn’t have been a bad idea.

Setting up for the banquet was odd. It felt so weird to be in Emily’s church again and setting things up. I felt like I had just been here the other day. Maybe that’s because I did my senior exhibition ayer concerning Project Phoenix (I passed, btw, my senior ex )… not sure. Anywho, preparations were fun. Rehearsing with Megan, Jordon and Amber, Angeline, and Chris… pulling out my guitar, flute, and bass… it was fun.

Despite the fact that I had a flute solo, the event that I was a part of that TRULY freaked me out was singing Lupang Hinirang. It started with Angeline, Megan and I… Jordon came along… Jordon left and Anthony took his place… Megan left… then we decided to just have Angeline and me sing. It was very intimidating being on stage, singing a capella; a song that all, if not most, of the adults respect. Even though there were mispronunciations, I think that went well. That applied with all the events I partook… except for Baptize My Mind. I nailed the flute solo and projected minimal mistakes. I think this is the first time ever that I’ve been proud of any of my musical performances (kind of sad)… maybe second time. I think the third-to-last MGC was pretty awesome.

From hearing snippets and seeing parts of performances, I think the night went quite well.  Congratulations to all you who performed tonight!  I don’t think there was any dull performance.
After the night, I think I’ve established that I might not be great at any instrument or have a great voice, but I enjoy playing/using them all. If only I was more committed to one… maybe I would be one less jack and closer to a master.
It takes practice and pushing yourself on the edge to bring yourself where you want to be.
It seems like that applies true beyond music.

One night of performances done… another day to go. Earlie in the morning.

a constant

One of the few things that saves me from insanity in my English class is table I sit with.  Adrian, Tony, and now Ronnell, who took the place of Nathaniel since he ditched us.  The conversations we have range from hilarious to argumentative (though not in a negative connotation).  We have nicknames for almost everyone: estrogen, boo, pancakes, etc.  Talk about girls, though most of the focus somehow ends on me for some odd reason.  Bicker about the different teachers we have that are incompetent… though that’s mostly Tony’s department.

Today was a little different, though.  We usually don’t wander into the genre of contemplation.  Today we read an article that was written after the 911 attacks.  The author stated in his piece that although evil deeds are more pronounced, there are a thousand good deeds for every evil one.  Since we finished early, our table started talking about the topic of good versus evil.  Is there really more good deeds or people than bad?  From there, I argued in the semantics of the word “good” and “evil.”

Then we hit a topic that I have argued with a fair number of people: moral relativism.  I remember back in the summer of 06, I was bored out of my wits so I started writing a speech that I would address to the whole school (Kristine, you still owe me yours) and to be fresh, my speech touched on this topic as well.
There are so many people that take the liberty of what right and wrong are because of the belief of moral relativism.  Lines of good acts versus bad acts are blurred.  Personally, I’m not a fan of the pure side of this belief.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t believe that for every act there is a right choice.  I do believe there are many relative truths.  Culture definitely affects how one interprets what creativity and justice is.  In every nation, there is a government with different laws compared to another nation.  Is one nation more correct by law than another?  Not necessarily.  Both could probably use an equal amount of improvement.
However, through all these relative truths, there has to be a constant.  There has to be something to stabilize these beliefs.  If there wasn’t, chaos would be boundless.  I could get a gun and pull the trigger at someone’s face and say that it isn’t wrong.  There has to be a truth that is universal.  I don’t think any person likes being afflicted.  It’s like having a point on a graph.  Without an origin, the point is meaningless.  Finding another point would be difficult without any axes or markers.
Maybe I’m wrong… but it just wouldn’t make sense if there wasn’t a constant; an absolute truth holding the pieces together.  Without one, what truly sticks us together as people?

never gonna stop this train

One would think that the stress would end after AP testing.  One would think that the stress would ease after all the major tests are done.  To an extent, they have.  But as they say, one will fall when the other will stand.  Oddly enough, that saying is supposed to be for encouragement… in this case, it’s quite the opposite.  When one door closes another one opens?  I never asked for either to open!

Maybe I did.  All I know is that there’s a lot of stuff shoving this train along.  The train wont stop… the train can’t stop.  Too much fuel.   Performances, rehearsals, practices, bull work, bull tests, speeches.  There’s just too many things pushing me that I can’t stop for a breather.
So much momentum yet there’s guilt and regret adding friction.  With a powerful force going forward and pain pulling me back, either I have to let go of something or this train will end up in flames.

I don’t know.  The station is coming up, but I doubt my destination stops there.  The train goes chug-a-chug-a and I follow.

sprinkles on prom night

Prom was an interesting night. It wasn’t the way I thought it’d turn out, but when is life how you plan or visualize it? With its lows it had its highs, so at least nothing was too much out of shape.

Just to summarize, we had a huge group–22 people? A couple of them… I’m not even sure if we were expecting them. But yeah, huge group… Balboa Park pictures were canceled due to the lovely skies we had ayer, so we improvised and chilled at Kathryn’s house.
Next we drove by groups to downtown for dinner. Our group was so big that we had to split into two tables (which was expected). The food was fair. We started to head out a bit late–mainly because of the bill–and by the time we headed out the door, it started raining. Our decision was to let the drivers walk to the parking lot to bring their cars here. I’m not sure if that was such a good idea–at least for Tracy and I. Our car was the last one to arrive by a huge time gap. There was stuff that contributed to it… miscommunication and getting lost. Another not sure good idea was that Tracy was holding both Diana and Lindsay’s phone–the two people that were in the car that were going to pick us up. Oh well… nothing too big. We got their 9:45ish (doors closed at 9PM).

The first three-eights of prom (or of the prom I had) was mostly greeting friends and in line to take pictures. After that was dancing. Like most dances I go to, it felt a little contrived at first. It usually takes some friends to get me into it. Last year it was Adrian. hahha good times. On tour it was Alex Nizzoli–we made our own dance (man… I still have yet to elaborate on what happened in SF and BOS). At Prom, it was a mixture of people. Charise was the one, though, that really pulled me into it and had me dance with her. hahah quite an experience I must say. One of the most disappointing things is that I wasn’t able to dance with the person I wanted to. By the time I arrived there was only one slow dance… and I didn’t see her off the dance floor. I’m assuming she was with a friend… so she was prolly having a fine time then.

One of the best parts about prom were the announcements for Prom King and Queen. Usually when it comes to this part of the dance, I usually don’t know the people and just clap for the sake of clapping. This prom, I finally knew the people running–and it was quite an eclectic group. We had people like Ariel, Tony, Gabby, and Alisa running… and then we had people like Tracy, Kristine, Lorenzo, and Jessica running. I was surprised that even Akili was running–I’m curious to how many votes he got.
As they were calling the names, they went backwards: fourth place runner up to prom king/queen. When they called Ariel as #4, I was a bit shocked. Seeing how shes ASB President and one of the “popular kids” (even though that group doesn’t exactly exist in SCPA), I thought she’d be somewhere higher on the food chain. I was also surprised that Barbolla mispronounced Tony’s last name. Come on… he’s in your class. But the most surprising thing was to hear Kristine’s name for Prom Queen and Tracy’s name for Prom King. MY HOMIES! YAYUHH… Congratulations to you two. I think you two are the best candidates for leaders of the court

Afterwards was Lasertag at Ultra Zone. Yeah. I didn’t do too well. It took me a while to get used to the odd colours in the arena and how open everyone was. I never saw the alien… but Im glad I wasn’t pulled out of the arena hahha.

Overall… prom was okay. I think it was a good idea to write this blog, just to remind me of some of the better moments of prom. I kind of wished that I was able to socialize more with people. Everyone seemed to have someone else… many times, I was just there. Even the ride home with Anthony or the solo ride with Diana to Ultrazone was fun because I was just able to talk about random stuff. Dialogue and bonding whatnot. It’s kind of hard to get that when you’re with such a big group.
But in the end, the night wasn’t bad. And going to Point Loma Nazarene next year, It will probably be my last dance (unless I get asked by an underclassgirl or something).

All hail Kristine and Tracy!

reflective window

My Dad once told me that God sometimes puts people in your lives to show the extreme of how you act towards others.  Obviously, this usually lies under the darker side of the word “act.”

In some cases, I disagree… but in many cases, that proverb/advice really stings true.  Lately, I’ve been trying to help a friend.  Actually, this friend I’ve been trying to help the entire year, but I guess thats how it works with friendships sometimes… you never truly stop trying to work out their problems.  However, I find this person very wishywashy, thus it’s hard to help him.  It’s like trying to control the tides of the ocean… or anything unstable.  It acts one way one time, then their emotions sway a different way.  When I help him out, he seems happy and responsive at the end of our conversation, but the next day, his mindset can totally flip 180°.
Sometimes it gets EXTREMELY frustrating, especially his mindset.  It’s hard to describe… as if he’s stuck in one area and wont let go.  Unsure in which direction to go.

As stated before, it gets very frustrating trying to help this kid, but by just letting go, I’m unsure if anyone will try to pick him up.  But through the frustration, I start to wonder if I act like this to my friends.  I am definitely not at the extreme of this person, but I am curious to whether I can be a burden to my friends.  To an extent, every friend can be a burden, but I wonder if I create the same frustrations.  If I am too stubborn with certain issues of my life.  If I change my mindset too often.  If I can be too pessimistic at times.  If these are some of the reasons why I feel at times separate from my old friends.  Heck, by saying that last sentence, I sound just like the friend I am trying to help out.

It makes me wonder what kind of a friend I am.
Damn.  I have less than four weeks of being a highschooler and I’ve self-inflicted myself with another introspective predicament.  But it isn’t like these questions/feelings aren’t invalid.  I guess I just dont know…

meal for thought

Man. Josh got back from college last Saturday, now hes gone again. He joined this internship called “Urban Term” (offered at PLNU) in where they live for 10 weeks in the inner city and… do stuff. Im exactly sure what that stuff is, but its okay. I’ll hear more about it after those ten weeks. It kind of sucks for him, though, that hes only going to have two weeks after Urban Term of summer break before going back into the system.

In other news, UCTV has finally (referring to March) uploaded the PLNU writers symposium that I attended to. The featured guest is Jon Foreman–the same night I met him and asked if he could perform for Project Phoenix .

It was an interesting interview that elaborated on how Jon Foreman writes music whatnot. They cut out one song he performed (The Moon is a Magnet) and a bit of the interview, which is a shame. I guess they had to cut time so they could fit the interview on TV.
It’s interesting to listen to what Foreman has to say on not only writing but on what his views of life can be. Too bad there are certain things that were said in the interview that aren’t presented in this video. But yeah… it’s a pleasure to watch an interview of someone you admire. There are a few people I admire. Three at my home, a small handful at school, and only a couple in the media–Jon being one of them.

I wonder how Project Phoenix would be if Foreman actually came. It’s not like he didnt want to come. That would’ve been interesting… but the night turned out well, so its indifferent. There are many things I wonder but they wont change. I wonder how senior year would be if I never got addicted to the cube. Or how my high school life would be if I never told the truth on those steps two years ago.
The cube isn’t too late, but the latter is. I just have to make do of what I have now.

the roads not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
–Robert Frost

That poem by Frost is a very universal piece.  Every day we are stuck with dilemnas and every day we have to make decisions.  Do I write a blog or go to sleep, seeing how its 11:26 as I’m writing this sentence.  Marginal costs over marginal benefits! 
But of course, Frost goes beyond just the mere daily manushas.  There are many decisions in my life that I have taken that have altered my way of thought and action without my intention prior to the act.  Some for better, some for worse.  For example, I wonder how I would have been if I took Writers Workshop as opposed to AP Statistics.  I know I would have bonded with at least three different people, one of them being my first friend in SCPA: Chris Iroz.  Although we have our chats during lunch, it’s a shame that we have digressed in our friendship.  I also know that I would have become a better creative writer.  However, I have learned a thing or two in statistics plus have learned more about the personalities at my table: Colleen, Hanna, and Alex.
But I can’t go back.  That’s one difference between me and the traveller.  He has intentions in taking the other path (although, he knows himself that he probably will not).  However, I can’t exactly produce the same intentions seeing how I dont travel in the 5th dimension.  What’s done is done and I cant go back.

Today was one of those moments when I was faced with a fork.  But instead of choosing a path or taking Yogi Berras advice and taking it, I trotted around the given path I was on.  Torn by advice of others, misguided perceptions, and, to an extent, obligations, my actions were in stasis but my mind was all over the place.  However, after talking to Kristine and Angeline, I think I’ve found my own opinion in cling and clatter of everyone elses.

The other path may end up more nice, but… I think I have peace in this decision.
Ill take the less travelled path.

the end is nigh

May seems like it will be another one of those full months.  Maybe not as thick as April was with tours whatnot, but with AP Testing, prom, PAPIA Banquet, Senior Showcase, Senior exhibition presentations… yeah.  It should be interesting whatnot.

Lately, life has been watching and thinking and some action concerning AP testing.  First of all, AP testing has seemed kinder than I thought they would be.  In Government, I might actually have a chance of passing.  Stats… well… I dont think anyone understood FRQ6, but I did better than I thought.  The real cheese, however, is this Thursday with AP Macroeconomics.  Even though Im semi-lactose intolerant, I have the best chance in passing the Macroecon test.  I guess that means more effort in studying this week -.-

Last Friday, I attended Operation Whole Note, which was fun.  The show was really nice… having an eclectic group of musicians from SCPA (current and alumnus) performing at the Penn Recreation Center (which had interesting acoustics by the time I entered ).  I thought the show was really good, even with the minor hiccups.  I wish I stayed so I could congratulate everyone, but I had to hurry to LAX to pick up mi mama.  It’s shows like these that I’m proud to attend such a strong musical school.  Selections from the Gypsy Trio, to Javier’s cultural songs, to Ulsters original raps, to the unique sound of the Lava Voys, to Jordon, Lorenzo, Megan, and Amber doing a variety of covers… it’s really amazing and humbling at the same time.

Yonder the Macroeconomics test, there is prom to be concerned about.  Kind of oximoronic, eh?  Maybe.  Maybe Foreman and Jo have points in that life is so simple yet we make it complex.  But, theres a lot of questioning that comes along with it.  For instance, would I be chivalrous and hang with her group or be selfish and hang with mine.  Plus, I haven’t even talked to my group about their plans… who’s to say that I’m included.  And then theres the question to whether I should follow up on their update (don’t worry, I’m intentionally being discrete).
I guess I’ll iron out the problems… somehow.  Too bad it’s in less than two weeks -.-

And also there’s the PAPIA Banquet.  It’s odd being in 3-4 things in one event.  There’s the haka, singing Lupang Hinirang, doing a duet with Chris Le (I’ll probably just play the guitar), and hopefully something with Adrian… maybe with someone else too.  Time is running short though.

That’s one thing we don’t have enough as a senior: time.
Less than six weeks until it’s all over.  It hasn’t hit me yet.  Maybe never will… or maybe it will just come like a blast of cool wind when we all throw our caps and tassels.

The end is nigh.

the pressure is on, the shape is off

Because of the cancellation of Chamber today, I was finally able to go to Martial Arts practice.  It’s been around a month since I have entered the dojo due to tours and STAR testing week.  After the end of the afterschool practice, I have realized that I am terribly out of shape.

Normally, I would be able to adjust to that problem and just work out hard, but the fact that I have a black belt test makes this normality a huge problem.  My muscles are weak, staminas low… I couldn’t even get out of a mount.

I’m a bit unsure on how to solve this issue.  My martial arts class is a beginning class, which means they wont do intense workouts, nor will I be able to grapple someone who only has a tad more skill than me.  And going to an advanced class is out of the question (for the most part).  The only advanced classes are during periods 5 and 6: Choral Ensemble and Discrete.  Choral Ensemble is obvious–were learning new songs–and Discrete I really need to catch up in.  Even going to the afterschool practices can be a luxury, seeing how were trying to learn Jupiter and I’ m the only one playing fourth flute (though, there isnt a real need for that part).
I’ve tried doing workouts on my own.  Tuesday, I ran to and from school.  I think that has helped my stamina, but I really don’t know how often I can do this.

Six weeks to get my body and mind in shape.
I don’t know…

dayquil anyone?

[This has been a blog I've been meaning to write... but now that I've written it, I dont think I expressed it in good manner oh well ]

Something’s not clicking.  Maybe they’re in a very dry season or maybe their mind isn’t into it right now.  One thing’s for sure: the Padres are not producing.

It’s a miracle when the Padres get over 2 runs–kind of pitiful.  Another strange thing is that we get oppurtunities with men on scoring position but we never utilize the oppurtunity.  What is wrong with our team?

For starters, we have no bats.  No real bats, at least–yet, Im not talking about literal bats.  If you took the majority of our team, the mean of homeruns would be a tad over 1.  Last year, when Bradley came to our team, the hits and homeruns went off the charts.  We had spirit and drive… but now, it is rare to see a homerun from the Padres.  Yeah, we have Adrian Gonzales, but a whole team can’t rely on one man to get in the runs.  In fact, if you look at the Padres’s RBI, Batting AVG, and HRs, Gonzales is the top for all three.  (By the way, thats a .278 AVG).  And then theres Khalil Greene, who hit around five homeruns in the first couple weeks last year, hit his first homerun last week.
Maybe our problem is that we have players that are either too young, too old, or are asleep.  Take Paul Mcanulty and Jim Edmonds.  Paul has a lot of spirit.  For a kid who lost as much weight as he has over Spring break obviously has a lot of passion for the sport.  However, he still hasn’t shown any major breakthroughs.  And then Edmonds… I don’t think anyone needs to say anything about his position.  Batting .172, I really wonder why we got the guy.  It’s a shame that Tadahito Iguchi had to join us this year with a team that is asleep.
And to think that a couple years back, we had an excess of outfielders (Giles, Matthews Jr, Nady, Cameron, Bradley, Harriston, Kotsay, Roberts, etc.)

The response by Towers is always interesting to hear.  It is true that we have a strong roster of starting pitchers and a good bullpen, but, at least in baseball, a team just can’t rely on mere pitching.  The game on April 17th proved that (where the entire game lasted 0-0 until the 14th, and didn’t end until the 22nd).  And lately, it’s even hard to agree that our pitching is the best in the league, seeing how runs are slipping here and there.  I don’t blame the pitchers.  It must get tiring for a pitcher to always be on his feet.

There is something wrong with the Padres;  a problem that they’ve always had but never fixed–now its biting them back.  I love the Padres dearly, but if this streak continues, it’s going to be an easy transition to not watching baseball in college next year.