eerie night

Last night, after chatting with Kelsey, Anthony, Lily, and some other friends, I headed to bed around 2AM.  When I got to bed… it was so bizarre, so I decided to jot a few things down on paper (even that is odd in itself -.-)

It’s an eerie feeling.  Dark and quiet.   The wind itself is dead–not active, just dead.  You can hear it moving without motivating any object.  Occasionally the wind  rattling the tree in an unconventional manner, adding to the mood. There aren’t even rude loud neighbors outside talking to disturb the odd silence.  No cars driving on the usually busy Paradise Valley Road.  Nothing.  As if it’s all evacuated.
The sky itself i dark with a slight red hue mixed with the cloud lining.  What makes it that color?  Fire in the distance?  I do smell a faint scent of burnt wood.  That actually is what arose me to the eerieness of it all.
All there is is artificial light drowned by the sound of emotionless wind.
I wonder if something’s going to happen…

you can’t cover a gunshot wound with bandage

When we were younger and we were learning how to ride our bicycle, whenever we fell and ran to our mothers, besides a kiss, they’d almost always offer a bandaid to cover the wound. Of course, it’d be different if you fell off your bike and broke your leg, your mother obviously would not give you a bandaid for it. However, I see a common trend that whenever we get hurt, our culture believes if we just suck it up and put a bandaid on what hurts and push on, everything will be better. But does it?
Suck it up. Ignore the pain. Push on.

I’ve learned from my own experience that life doesn’t work that way. That a bandaid may prevent more dirt from seeping into the wound, but many times, an infection is still brewing inside and is just waiting to burst out. Even if the wound doesn’t get infected, it leaves a scar that will either haunt you or remind the person that left the mark that a fight occurred. It takes a hope beyond wishful thinking that things will be better to actually make things renewed. It takes something that can go beneath the wound. It takes surgery.
What is surgery? Well, it can come in different forms. Last night, my family watched “A Passage to India” which reinforced my thoughts upon what surgery can be. While I may tangent on this, it’s quite interesting that the movie takes a while to get to the actual plot of the story… and even when the court case is over and you think the climax is finished, there still is quite more to the storyline. Anyways, the story helped reinforce my idea that it wasn’t by force but through kindness to ease a tension between two parties. Kindness and time. It has helped when I was in trouble before with a close friend.

But what happens when you are without tools to perfect a surgery? (This time, I ask without a rhetorical mood) What do you do when you don’t have time to try to mend things together?  College is in nearing and I am with minimal ways of talking to my friend that I have scarred. Heck. What’s worse is that I don’t even know if the pain I afflicted my friend caused long-term damage, but I can’t assume that it hasn’t. Just because she has a kind persona doesn’t mean that a big mistake that I made will be forgiven. This is what I get for not opening my mouth… for not telling her that I couldn’t commit. This is what I get for trying to solve this with a bandaid… it gets pre-exposed and the pain is magnified. “Fool.”
I guess all I have is time and prayer that things will turn out for the best.
I’m sorry Charise.

familial extremities

No matter how many times Ryan Bosia puts down the time I spend with my family, I’ll never feel ashamed of it–at least, when Ryan is putting it down .  I can understand why he finds it odd, seeing how I put more time saved for my family than many of my friends.  My response comes from Dylan (Bob, not Haro hahah): “Don’t criticize what you don’t understand.”

How I view a family is like a chain.  We all have to support each other.  When one person is weak, we all try to help that member however we can, be it prayer or assistance.  Even if my parents are fighting or are in that tense mode, I won’t eat dinner or watch TV until the problem is resolved.  Extreme?  Maybe
However, since we all have different upbringings and different relationships with our family, I’d “understand” why people view this mindset as weird or abnormal.  Unfortunately, this mindset comes with its consequences: I always have to make compromises between my family and friends [and usually the former wins].  Choosing between going to a birthday party or cousins coming over who I don’t see too often.  A performance or family night.
When I was younger, this wasn’t such a big problem.  Not many people invited me to parties except for my old friend Jeff Jaffola, who was my neighbor.  But as I grow older the dilemmas seem to pop out more and more.

What sucks is that sometimes these family events sometimes change and I’m left at home.  I remember earlier this month when Jarel messaged me asking if I could go with the fair with him (right then) because he had an extra ticket.  However, I had plans earlier to spend time with my Grandparents who I don’t see often–and will probably see less when I go to college.  Unfortunately, after declining the offer, half an hour later, it was canceled -.-  Even though I’m not sure if I’d be able to get ready such a short allotted time, it’s still a chance of chilling that I had to cancel.  Maybe if I opened my mouth and informed my parents on what I’d like to do so I can know ahead of time if somethings going to be canceled or not.
Maybe I put too much weight in this mindset.  It doesn’t make me dependent on my parents, but it does limit my chance to be more independent.  My own moral obligations limiting me -.-  Always asking to borrow a cell to inform my parents that I’m going to be later than I planned.  They have their reasons, but they take their toll.

Now, I’m entering a world without my parents.  I’m not afraid of being alone.  I am quite excited, actually.  It’s more that I regret the times of not opening my mouth.  The times I didn’t spend with a friend.  My family will be here when I get back from college… but will I be able to see my friend’s concert?  Maybe… but when I go to their concert in the future, the tickets will go from 15 dollars all the way to 15 hundred -.-

I don’t intend on burning the mindset… rather finding a better balance.
It’s always about finding a balance from extremities, isn’t it?

sponging ideas

I think I am one of a handful of fresh alumnus I know that has summer homework. Thankfully it’s pretty easy and simple, unlike “Hardball” by the so-called moderate Democrat (though, that book, too, was intriguing). Hm. Now that I think about it, all required the summer reads were mind-developing and most were mind-massaging. This book, though, is by far the easiest read of the summer requirements. It’s called “The Color of Water” by James McBride. It’s both an auto and non-auto-biography, portraying a black man’s life living under a Jewish mother who always hid her story. It’s a good book and helped be give a different aspect on life. Now… if only I knew what I was to look for in the book so I can use it in our “discussion” during PLNU’s New Student Orientation.

In between finishing up McBride’s story, learning new songs on the guitar, writing songs, eating, and trying to frivolously upgrade my Hero on Facebook, I’ve been re/watching shows and movies. I may not have the wide taste or experience as some of my friends, but it has been fun getting into storylines. I’ve been jumping around from one movie to another show. Nobody Knows, The Shawshank Redemption, Smoke Signals, Digimon Tamers, Searching for Bobby Fischer, Lost, Les Miserables, Avatar, Prince Caspian… the only problem is that by watching these shows/movies (sometimes) right next to each other, you lose the gratification, ideas, and nuggets placed in each of them. Beside the con, the main reason I watch them is hoping to get inspired to actually materialize my own story.
Even though I love music and hope for it to be my path in life, I still hold onto ideas of stories. Lylachon, The Flood… the only thing is that I can’t get my thoughts to paper. Iono… maybe these ideas weren’t meant to be written by my hands. Especially when I only know the first seven letters of the alphabet with their flats and sharps -.-

I will soak my soul, let the river take control
I know it’s not too late to let go of the weight…

I guess I’ll let time push my direction for now. But until then, it’s always great to get inspiration from nice stories (or depressing stories, in reference to “Nobody Knows”).

This paragraph is dedicated to digression–merely elaborating on one of the shows I watched. Although they have -mon in all their names and overdo the evolution materialization and some of the script is a bit kid-oriented, I would not underestimate Digimon (at least the first three season) With that in mind, I personally think season 3 was the best Digimon season. Ironically, it was probably the season that put them out of business because of it’s change from the prior seasons and because of it’s deep explanations that aren’t exactly kid-friendly. Maybe the show was intended for a slightly older audience than what it got. Not only that, but I just looking at the storyline, I believe it was more oriented for the Japanese. Although Americans can still learn from their morals, the storyline often helps those who carry heavy guilt from mistakes; against isolationism; not necessarily for progression in the sense of always starting over. Iono. That’s my intake. Despite the audience, the ending of the show is definitely a great way to wrap up a story while leaving a small hole for opening.

Although all the shows and movies I watched were great, one that sticks out is Nobody Knows (maybe because I’ve only seen it twice). If Victor and Chris said they’ve never watched a movie that’s made them cry, well… I’m not sure if this movie will make them cry, but it sure is depressing. It’s a Japanese movie–fortunately with subtitles–that takes place in a common urban setting… maybe Shinkjuku. Basically in the story, the main character lives with three other siblings–all of them to different fathers–and his mother, who is very self-centered. In the story, she pretends to leave for a business trip when she really marries this man. End result, she abandons her children with a limited sum of money. The eldest, Akira, has to now help support the three others while still trying to live as a kid. The idea behind the movie is that no one knows what really happens in the mid-city. Behind the walls of apartments lies corruption in its own sense that no one will ever be able to fix because of being unaware.
While the movie itself is depressing, the real story that the movie is based off of is even more. Two of the siblings end up dead and when the police find out, they blame the eldest child for not taking care of them -.-
Why watch this movie?  Well… I did to remind me that it can always be worse.  Right now our family is struggling financially–many of us are.  Maybe that’s why they call it a recession?  Take it from Cheech Marin: “Recession, repression… same thing man.”  But even then… even the poorest kid who went to SCPA doesn’t have it worse than this kid that the movie was based off of.  And even this boy doesn’t have it as bad as Christians who are forced to live in bottles in Ethiopia because of their religion.
To have it bad can be quite relative.

ride down; walk up

“You can observe a lot by watching”–Yogi Berra

It’s hard to argue with that statement, though… I observed quite a bit today by doing as well.
Today (or yesterday… depending on when this blog gets published), Josh, Jarel, and I hung out around downtown and Balboa Park.  I suggested walking to downtown from PH, but that was immediately, and sadly, expunged.  Instead, we took the bus.  That was quite an experience, seeing how I haven’t ridden the bus since I was 3.  Back at that age, my Mom, Josh, and I would always take the bus to Balboa Park from our small apartment–good times.
ANYWAYS, it was quite an experience–a good one I might add.  It was fun observing the types of people who were on the bus and what they did; talking to Jarel and Josh about future events (hopefully a bonfire and MGC); looking outside as we drove through different neighborhoods.  It took a little longer getting to our destination than it did by car, but I definitely recommend using public transit if you have no ride to certain places.  Yes, there can be some sketchy people on the bus.  However, seeing how there usually is an audience, I would expect the fear of bullying is more amplified in your head than it is in reality.  Plus, theres AC!

So we stopped at Petco Park at around noon so we could have a easy travel walking to the central library.  We didn’t stay there too long, but I was able to check a book out for PLNU and we were able to walk around.  Josh and I saw where our Dad used to work as library technician.  It used to be on the second floor where all the videos and DVDs are now.  It’s funny how things change.  As I looked at what is now shelves of media, I remembered going to this room to play on their computers–the Yukon Trail, minesweeper (when I didn’t have a clue what I was doing), Descent.  Hah.  The computers were Windows 95, which were the bomb at the time.  56K dial-up was astonishing.  Now, what’s left are a bunch of sealed off video cassettes.  I wonder what my Dad’s new workplace is.
After looking around, the three of us left and began walking and singing our way to Balboa Park.  Ate at the Village Grill and enjoyed the aroma of the zoo nearby.  From there we went to a couple free museums… SDMA, the Mingei International Museum (though we kinda got kicked out), and Timken Museum of Art.  Gotta love free Tuesdays.  A bit congested in the SDMA, seeing how they were featuring Georgia O’Keefe [and that it was free], but we ran into a lot of Josh and Jarel’s friends–professors and students whatnot.

From there our Dad picked us up and we all headed home.  The National League lost again in the All Star Game.  At least a Padres didn’t get the loss this time.  Also, Adrian Gonzales was able to show the San Diego pride with his sacrifice fly RBI, single, and amazing defense.  Last time in Yankee stadium…

In other news, time is coming to an end.  There are so many hours in a day, yet I seem to waste many of them.  I’m hoping to get out a lot more… run… hopefully see some friends that I haven’t seen in a long time… and just get out there.
I just hope my ambitions dont fail like they did last summer .

new connections

Summer is turning more social than I thought it would. Seeing how Josh has been gone for the first month and a quarter, I thought I’d just be at home, cleaning and practicing. But events like today proved me wrong.

Yesterday, Jarel contacted me through facebook, asking if I wanted to hang today. I’m not a fan of last minute hangouts, but… it seemed chill, so I went for it. So today, Carlo Victa picked me up with Jarel and Nate, and we headed to Rommel’s house. It’s amazing at how I worry and overthink so many things that aren’t there- (t’s a bit hard to explain on the blog, but there were a lot of internal conflicts that I had 10 minutes before being picked up. as you might guess, part of it involved the phone -.-).

So we arrived at Rommel’s shack around 9:45 . It’s quite a clean nice place. We were the first people to arrive (besides our host and Karla who was cooking us brunch). The food was very good. Chocolate chip pancakes, omelets, fruits, bacon, sausages, and some good juice. There was milk, but you know how I feel on lactaid >.>

Afterwards, some more people arrived: Ashley Pulido and Nicole Aguas. After our meal and while peeps were still eating, Jarel and I jammed on the piano and guitar. Once everyone was done, we pulled out some board games. Apples to Apples and Take Two (a variation of Scrabble I guess?). I was doing well in Apples to Apples until Bryce showed up -.- He started putting his own logic and persuasion into the choices -.-

Overall, it was a great time. I was able to chill with people I usually don’t hang with. Talk with those I don’t often talk with. I love the power of connection and communication. Getting to know other people, then knowing people they know, et cetera. I just hope college doesn’t severe those bonds we all make.
I wish I was a better friend, though. I could talk to people more freely without second-guessing what their intent is by how they word phrases or if they really want to talk to me. Speak my mind in a way without people misinterpreting my notions. Helping people without being too harsh or too much of a pushover. Just being able to be myself… though in the same sense, a better-self. hahha wow… im not making too much sense. Too many pancakes maybe? Oh well… through God anything is possible.

incentive ideas

I remember three years ago when I was driving up to La Costa to get some lessons for the flute (which only lasted four weeks, sadly), my Dad drove by to get some gas and we had seen the prices shift once again. The price of driving had gotten so ridiculous that you had to pay two dollars a gallon. TWO DOLLARS! Four years prior, gas prices were around $.80. How did it get to $2 in such time? As we look in retrospect, we pray for the prices to lower back to that amount. Today, what’s the price per gallon for oil? $4.40? Although San Diego County’s price is usually higher than most, it’s still pretty sad how much the cost of transportation has gotten.
This blog isn’t to bring awareness to the spike of change. I believe it’s quite evident for everyone in the developed countries. That’s probably why a reward was made for anyone who could build a car with 100 miles per gallon (MPG). But besides oil, are there any alternatives? (rhetorical question, of course).

Two years ago, when I was watching 60 Minutes, I came across a topic that talked about liquid coal. Apparently, the Governor of Montana (Ryan, don’t even start) has been pushing for the idea of pursuing liquid coal as the substitute for oil.
The idea of liquid is coal is taking coal in its’ solid form and converting it into a fuel such as gasoline or diesel. While liquid coal is considered a “backstop resource”–or a replacement for oil–it has environmental set backs. When synthesizing coal from solid to liquid, a gas is emitted which contains purified Hydrogen and Carbon Dioxide (CO2)–CO2 being the number one cause of global warming. In fact, the CO2 emitted from the synthesis is double the amount compared to traditional fuel when it burns.
However, the Governor had proposed a new way of synthesizing the coal. Instead of letting the CO2 run free in our atmosphere, it can sold to oil companies. The companies use the CO2 to spot fuel in the ground whatnot.

(To read up on the 60 minutes article, click here.)

Too good to be true? Maybe. Maybe the Governor is trying to push on this topic, seeing how Eastern Montana has a huge crop of coal. Incentive maybe? Maybe not. But beyond that, suppose this thing works. Instead of being hooked on oil, the US would be hooked on coal–a non-reusable fuel.

One company that really gets me is a Japanese car company called “Genepax.” In June of 2008, they claimed to have created an engine that runs on only water and air. There is quite a bit of controversy, though. Genepax has not revealed all of its schematics, but it did mention that the generator creates energy through a “mechanism which is similar to the method in which hydrogen is produced by a reaction of metal hydride and water.” The key term that gets people is “metal hyride.” The most logical way for this car to work is if the metal hydride is the key fuel–not the water.
But who knows. Maybe this car has actually broken the first law of thermodynamics. But even if it were the case, I wonder how the oil companies would react in response to such a breakthrough that would hurt their profits. It’s a shame how this world can act.

Until something new comes out–be it a 1000 MPG car, a full electrical car [another good alternative], or liquid coal–I guess my feet and the bus will do. It’s not like I have a license hahah. Anyone up for a jog from Paradise Hills to Point Loma?

my party life

“Just as drowning cannot be equated with swimming, mere existence is not the same as abundant life.”
–Jon Foreman

In retrospect, the 4th of July turned out a lot better than how I imagined it was going to turn.

Generally, my family isn’t a HUGE party family. I mean, yeah… I have sake every year during new years as tradition… but to go hardcore festive isn’t the way of the Seligman hahah. On New Years Eve, instead of watching the ball go down or have festive preparations, we either go to the mountains to spend time with our Father and spend some time to think and share on our past years–things we want to give to the Lord for the future. Am I missing out? Possibly, but I’m fine with that.
Similar to New Years Eve, on the Fourth of July, we usually don’t go out and party. Sometimes what we do is have a fun dinner and watch a movie at home (man… my Dad working at the library has its pros for sure. borrowing books for an eternity, ripping music from CDs, bringing home movies… hahah). This year was a bit different. As I might have stated in an earlier blog, Josh is a part of the Nazarene “Urban Term” in where he lives in the mid-city, joins an internship, and works with the community. Through this, the professor that’s in charge of “Urban Term” invited Josh and all of us to join him and his family for the July 4th party.

I wasn’t expecting huge drinking and a large orgy–seeing how he’s a professor at Point Loma Nazarene–but I wasn’t expecting much socialization or too much fun on my part. I was expecting most of these people attending the party to be older than me–college students and professors–and Josh would probably be too busy to chat with me. However, on arrival, I was proven wrong on the spot.
The house had a strong ratio of kids (around the age of 10), one who shared some music with me. Then later, Josh and I were able to talk about the transition to college whatnot. Later, we played Horse with a bunch of Josh’s “Urban Termites” (as they call themselves -.-). Even though I was the first to spell ‘horse,’ I did relatively well, seeing how I usually suck at basketball.
The best part of the day/night was listening to my Dad talk to one of the professors on theology. Some of the topics thrown were ideas that I’ve been wrestling with myself. Is there a just war? Even though we belong to the body of Christ, is it wrong to be a part of our nation as well (in figurative terms)? And then we transitioned to light-hearted conversations. My Dad requested me to impersonate “Noah” (again -.-) from The Village. hahah odd but oh well… fun. After our deep talks, Josh pulled out his guitar, the host pulled out his alto sax, and I jumped on the piano [bench] and we all jammed. We didn’t go as complex as Jarel and I did earlier this week, but it was still fun to just play with other people. Even though I’m a music comp major, I sure hope that I don’t lose my taste of performing whatnot. I love it! Ending off the evening, we all sat on the roof and watched the fireworks being shot from 3 different places. First time being on a roof, to add

Overall, the night was fresh, different, and fun. As stated before, the best parts were discovering truth and making music–the two vitalities in life.
As the days pass, I think Point Loma will have a good influence on me. I’m sure it will help me with my two vitalities for when I enter the real world.