thrown thoughts

Life throws you situations when you start to think introspectively.  How one treats another and where one is going in life.

For starters, since last year, I’ve been talking to a friend about a bunch of stuff, yet there never seems to be progress from my words.  I’ve written a blog or two about this topic.  It’s just so hard to have a conversation with someone whos mind is so set on a certain idea that new ideas will never come forth.  It’s as if only his experiences are truth.  And whenever I try to talk about a topic, he jumps from idea to idea.  It’s… never stable.  Progress never comes forth and I start to wonder if it’s worth it.  If it’s worth my time talking, seeing how I could be done with my essay tonight.
Then I start to wonder if I’m like him to an extreme -.-

Another thing thrown at me are these ideas of stories.  Going through my Old Testament class and watching my friends play games endlessly, I start creating ideas of stories.  It’s a huge project and merely an idea, but it could become something.
I’ve always thought up random stories that could become tangible.  And lately, I haven’t been coming up with many ideas of songs.  Im not a strong writer concerning literature, but neither am I a strong writer in music.  I come up with small sparks every now and then, but none that hit dry brush that can start a potential fire. 
It makes me wonder… what is my path?  It sucks to be this jack of some trades, master of none.  It’s so hard to live not knowing what passion to pursue.  If I am to pursue a passion, I need to do it wholeheartedly.  There’s no doubt that I can hear music.  There’s no doubt that I love music.  There’s no doubt that I can see stories.  There’s no doubt that I love fiction.  But when you come to a fork in the road… what happens when you can’t just take it.  You have a choice.  We all have a choice.  And right now… I don’t know.  Should I pursue music, which could end dry?  Heck, any major can end dry… except maybe business… but I don’t want to follow something I’m not passionate about, even though I love numbers.

If life begins at the intersection, what am I supposed to feel?
What direction?

allegories in algorithms

“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice”–Abraham Lincoln

That quote has no relevance to this blog, but rather how I’ve been feeling lately.  My mind has been residing too much in possibly overexemplified anguish and unfair treatment.  I need to move on and give whatever things I have no control over to the one who does have an overseeing view of things.

Anyways, when I got back to my dorm today, I asked Gibbons if I could borrow his Rubik’s cube to see if I was truly cured from my cubing problem.  Then again, Kristine and Kathryn may say that I’ve been cured from my cubing problem by forgetting how to solve it.  But besides that, I decided to see if Anthony’s teachings cured me.
After my first try, I did all the correct algorithms and I ended up in the same spot as before:  wrong.  I knew all the movements were right… but for some odd reason, the cube wasn’t solving.  After trying to solve it a second time, I ended up in the very same position as before.  When I reached that spot, I asked Gibbons for some help and I saw what my problem was.  All the movements were correct.  I had done nothing wrong.  The only error was that I did not continue.  The algorithm needed to be repeated once (or twice) more.

After solving the cube for the first time in a while, I kind of saw it a parallelism to life (the rubiks cube being an allegory:  what an idea).  Many times, we go through life doing the right thing but things don’t go our way.  Darkness consumes our path and we think that we’ve gone astray.  So to compensate, we take other paths to see if they lead to the destination we’re looking for, but many times, they dont. 
If you know the path you were taking was right initially, why should you be swayed to take another path?  Even though the path may be dark, the right path is the right path, is it not?  It might take a friend or two to bring a light and show you the way.  But in the end, if you truly believe that the path you take is true, why not pursue until you find a dead end or your destination?

Theres a balance, of course.  Perseverance and stubborness are two different words.  But it’s just an observation.  Sometimes, we need to continue, even if the results are not initially what were looking for.
Trust me.  The Cube knows it all :O

it eats me

Today was my second day off from school.  The first somewhat counted… it was on Labor Day.  However, school had just started, so how can you fully enjoy that day?
I’m not sure if I can say I fully enjoyed today’s break, but it had its kicks.

My plan was to go to SCPA and visit Choral Ensemble, Martial Arts, and Wind Ensemble/Chamber, and then hang with Anthony/ Things, however, did not go as planned.  I think it wouldve started smoothly if it weren’t for a couple mistakes down the road.
Anthony got to my house at early 11.  We reached the parking lot and Anthony and we were going to wait for Jenisa’s phone call before entering SCPA.  So while we waited, Anthony began to cure me from my loss of understanding the cube.  However, it was getting a little hot in the car, so we decided to cube outside.  First mistake. 
One of the custodians saw us and asked us what we were doing.  I stated the truth, saying we were going to visit SCPA in a few minutes.  So he recommended us going to the front office and checking in.  I initially wasn’t intending to check in… rather just do what most almu do and walk in.  However, since the custodian spotted us, we kind of had to go to the front office.
The people at the front office told us to have a visitors pass, we needed a teacher to vouch that we were going to visit initially.  I heard about this… but wasn’t positive if this was how things were done.  But seeing that they told us we cant go in… it seemed pretty much like a dead-end.  Soo Anthony and I walk out and we head to his house.

I had a fun time just chilling with Anthony.  We didn’t exactly talk about his comment that he left on my earlier blog… but it’s all good.  We chatted about hows life… the Rays!… and we also played some catch.  My arms were still a bit sore from an earlier workout, but it felt good to just throw and not care about the pain.
Afterwards, we drove around with Jenisa and ate some food at Taco Fiesta (man… I forgot how expensive the food is there).  It was good to tell them of some Loma stories… looking back at how crazy our hall is.  And then reminiscing on good old SCPA times.
Then at 1, we left Taco because Jenisa had to be dropped off.  It’s there that we decide to go to SCPA anyways.  This is going to be the only time I am able to visit SCPA until… performances, maybe?  My schedule and SCPA’s does not mix too well.  If I had known that you needed a teacher to vouch… then I would have called.  But… what am I to do?  Just not visit until maybe even January?  So we head to SCPA, wait for the custodians to not be near the front gate, and just walk in nonchalantly, passing by the front office.  Then we finally get at the music building and it was sweet to see old friends.  I chatted with peeps here and there, celebrated Jevin’s birthday, gave hugs to a buttload of kids… good stuff.  Then I talked with Paige a bit.  We rarely talked when I was in highschool… so Im surprised that I was able to hold a good conversation with her.  Apparently, one of the kids for Cherrydale had stolen some money, and he hid it in a very disgusting place:  his butt.  So Paige (earlier… not today ) had to count the money with gloves on.  It’s hilarious and disgusting at the same time   By then, Anthony and I had split.  I dont know where exactly he went.
After just talking to everyone, I thought I was safe until school was over.  But… I guess not.  The security guard (who saw my face earlier) came to Paige’s room and so I tried to walk into Quiroz’s rehearsal non-chalantly.  Unfortuantely, the custodian who I ran to earlier spotted me as well and told me that he was told that I was causing a scene or something.  I can’t recall his exact words… but basically he told me to go to the front gate where the VP would be.  Damnit.  I then walk past some other friends, like Sarah, that I wasn’t able to say hello to.  But since I had to leave… I had to leave.  So no talking with them, I guess.  I reach the front gate and I see Mr. Thomason.  As I walk to the gate he says “My friend, if you do not leave my campus this minute I will have you arrested.”  Hm.  Okay.  So I say I understand, and leave.  It’s a long walk home.  Put it that way.

I get it.  I understand what I did broke legal codes and it only makes sense to expunge me.  I was, by law, tresspassing.  They have these laws set up for precaution in case a visitor assaults a student or anything on the lines.  Even though I mentally get it, I don’t know whats eating me.  Is it because I am an alumni who did a lot for SCPA yet was talked down/treated as a form of a criminal?  Is it because others pass by security all the time and never get rebuked or kicked out?  I do not know.  All I know is now I have to sign in ever single time I visit SCPA.  I have to get vouched every single time I visit SCPA.  They know my face–probably even my name–, and the next time I don’t follow their rules, I wont be just kicked out of the school that I was once a part of.  They’ll probably involve law enforcement in on it as well.

So I don’t know if I can say that I enjoyed my day.  It was good seeing my friends though… so that’s a smile worth noting.

square one

I know her name.  I see her face.  I don’t know what to do…
Is it too early?  Will it be too late?
Ahh questions… carpe diem or carpe manana?

How does one speak?

how we roll

Hendricks 3rd North’s Ninjas
Probably the most fun I’ve had this week.

Unfortuantely it all happened so fast.